


Re: Zero Gate

by hisfoolishgirl



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime), Steins;Gate
Genre: All of the brutality is the same as from the anime, But some of that Light Novel stuff might manage to find a way to influence the plot, Crossover, F/M, I suppose, Maybe even more since now i have one more character to torture, Only really exposed to the Re:Zero Anime, Post that one sequel movie that Stein's Gate got, Saw a thing with Subaru and Okabe on Pixiv and that's where this came from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7737400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hisfoolishgirl/pseuds/hisfoolishgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Stein's Gate: Ryouiki no Deja vu and an accident in the lab, Okabe finds himself no longer at his wife's side but in a world with only vibrant hues beside a boy in a tracksuit - despite the fact the rest of the world around them being clothed with a definitively fantasy style. Hardly a thing to notice while being more concerned with getting home to his family, but when his Reading Steiner activates and he finds himself back where he began... Well, maybe he should be giving the punk in the tracksuit just a hair bit more of his attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arch 1 is a Much Shorter Affair for a Mad Scientist.

Okabe was use to the unusual. 

It had been nearly a decade since his first unintentional foray into the impossible, but since marrying Kurisu it had hardly been the last. Especially with their little set of twins - Lab Members 010 and 011, because they  _ knew _ their kids would fight over who got 009 and the double digit number. It had been Kurisu’s train of thought that it would be better to proactively avoid conflict then to retroactively deal with it, and Okabe couldn’t help but chuckle in agreement.

He’d done enough of that for a single lifetime.

But when the latest experiment in their lab reacted abnormally, it was all Okabe could do to push Kurisu out of the room before the security measures they had put in place sealed them in the room with the unintended pulse. 

That unfortunately meant he was finding himself making good use of his Reading Steiner now in a world made of yellow hues and walking animals. 

The first time he’d found himself dislodged in space and time, he hadn’t really noticed it as such. He kinda of just blinked and then he called the man in front of him by name - Kadomon - giving both of them a shock when Kadomon had no idea who Okabe was. When the pulse had sent him stumbling in front of the stall the first time he had charmed the man with the Hououin Kyouma performance he’d put on to cover his prying questions of just where and when he was. Simple things that anyone would know, but that wouldn’t raise eyebrows - too highly - if a mad man had asked about them. This time the fast friend, taken with his humor, yelled at him about how if he wasn’t going to buy an apple then he had to get out of the way.

He sighed and he shoved his hands in his pockets. It had been shorter - unreasonably shorter between the first displacement and the second. The first had given him nearly six to nine hours in this new world while the second had barely been hour. He knew he’d have to find the source of the leaps if he wanted to have the time to build anything to send himself back home - much less figure out exactly what the comparing components would be. He had to start his research from scratch and while he had a solid head on his shoulders that meant it wasn’t really completely such - he just wanted to snuggle with his family, and he was never going to be thrilled with the experience of time looping to enjoy it even in his new setting. He glanced around for the other common character he’d taken notice of in the area around the launch point. 

The boy in the jumpsuit had caught his noticed the second time it happened. He had - well, he was also wearing a tracksuit which stood out from the robes around them, but that was hardly what had stood out to the mad scientist Hououin Kyouma - done something different from the first time world time line that Okabe had experienced in this different dimension. Different world. The boy in the yellow and black jumpsuit had called out to a woman, like he’d known her - just to be turned a cold shoulder.

That had hardly mattered at the time, but Okabe had filed it away as a part of the puzzle going on. 

Now, The boy was standing the stall beside Okabe proudly declaring how broke he was. Okabe hadn’t noticed the child the first time, but it was a stark contrast of upbeat compared to the first time he’d seen him.

He made note of it, but he went back to finding supplies. If the boy’s head had cooled down maybe the time line wouldn’t reset.

* * *

 

That had been Okabe’s hope, but still when dusk hit, like the first loop, though an hour shorter then the first day he guessed, he was standing in front of Kadomon’s stall again. 

He sighed, and his eyes quickly went to the boy in the tracksuit beside him. 

At least this time he knew where to look for supplies. He just needed funds. He sighed. Labor would take too long to sell, and his hands went to his pockets. There had to be a pawn shop some where that wouldn’t ask too many questions about where the products had come from.

He walked over to the boy in the track suit, and he tripped, intentionally, over his feet at the last moment, “Ah,” Okabe muttered as he brushed the boy off, “I’m so sorry, Mr…?”

“Subaru,” He mumbled, “And there’s nothing to -” He noticed Okabe’s appearance, “You’re not from around here are you?”

“I am HOUOUIN KYOUMA!” Okabe answered quickly falling into his old character with his laughter echoing down the street, drawing eyes towards him. Kurisu had placed a strict ban on it the over the top behavior while the twins were being born, and he quickly agreed that this wife didn’t need any sort of added stress. He didn’t want to know what it would be like for him to lose a child - not after what he’d gone through for his friend and for his lover. Hardly the reason behind Kurisu’s ban, but it was most certainly the first thought the barely recovered man had had, “And,” He put his hand to his chin, “I belong to no time and place, but to the side of my lover that I seek only to find again! Oh, How I miss our children as well!”

“Uh,” Subaru blinked and he bowed, “Best of luck in that matter.” He quickly scuttled away from the mad scientist, and Okabe made note of his behavior. 

He would follow the boy if they met again. He saw the shadows in his eyes.

They reminded him of the ones he’d had once in a world line that to his gratitude no longer existed for him.

* * *

 

It happened before he could make it to the Stolen Goods Warehouse, and this time Okabe walked up to the boy in the tracksuit and poked him.

The boy, Sabura, Okabe did remember his name, stared at Okabe. This time his brows furrowed a bit. He had noticed that Okabe wasn’t a following a pattern like a good side character should in a time jumping story, “Hello?” 

Okabe smirked he could practically hear the boy’s thoughts - they would have been his thoughts at the same age as the clear otaku in front of him -  _ Aren’t you going to trip over me again? _

Okabe laughed in the same manner that Kyouma did, but he shrugged as Okarin would. Kyouma wasn’t as tightly attached to his identity now that he was no longer trying to play it up for a much older Mayrui who was taking to the role of Godmother in ways that Okabe hadn’t quite frankly expected.

“Subaru, right?” Okabe asked knowingly with a hand on his chin.

Subaru stared at Okabe, took a step back, and opened his mouth, “How- How do you know that?”

Okabe pointed at himself, “Not my first time traveling gig!”

“You know about Return by Death -?” Subaru started.

Okabe froze. The air around him stilled and so did the people. He turned around slowly as the air around him transformed into a cloud of green and purples - hues that matched the ones you’d expect from a b rate sci fi movie warping time and space. He felt a cloudy hand wrap around his heart and squeeze.

Okabe smirked as his hand went to the old phone in pocket.

_As if a simple thing like magic could keep him from his -_

That was when his heart stopped.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plan is to update this work every two days - I wasn't going to originally post it anywhere, but I'm almost done with reworking Arch Two with Okabe and I'm really excited with where it's going and how it's working out so I figured someone out in the vast expense of the internet might enjoy this wild silly thing that no one asked for.
> 
> Unfortunately I don't know how polished this will be since I only have my one set of eyes to read over it and with life stuff - eh, mainly other projects and getting ready for college - I don't know how much time and ability I'll have to balance between new content and polishing up the old as I post it. I'll try my best! I'm flattered if you got down here, and I'll try to show my appreciate for your time by giving you the best polish to this work that I can! I'm really excited to share what I already have - but I also don't know much about the Re:Zero verse outside of the anime so I hope that's a fair enough heads up that I'll props end up killing parts by having to, you know, make stuff up to compensate with Okabe's - um - situations in the story. He may not have it as hard as Subaru, but we definitely can't make it easy on Hououin Kyouma, I suppose. 
> 
> ~ EL PSY CONGROO ~


	2. Waking Up Is Hard - More So When You Don't Know Why You're Doing It

Okabe woke up beside a bed. His hand went to his chest that had hurt just a moment ago, and he stared back at the boy - Subaru - in the bed he was sitting next too. Okabe glanced down at his outfit. No longer the uniform of a mad scientist but one of a butler? He looked up at Subaru with a raised eyebrow.

  
“Kyouma?” Subaru whispered, an echo of his own surprise.

Okabe sighed. He might have been surprised by the development, but that hardly meant he was going to be dulled by it, “How long has it been?” He asked. Oh, how Okabe hoped that time was passing at the same rate back home. Or slower. He would be fine with going home whenever and finding that no time had passed for his loved ones. Especially if this mess ended up being as long as the last time he’d tempted fate this hard.

“A day? Maybe less? Maybe more? I just woke up,” Subaru answered.

“Ah,” Okabe nodded. He filed that away as a mental note.

The two of them looked at the Twins standing at the base of Subaru’s bed. They were holding the others’ hands tightly, and they pulled close together, “Rem, Rem, There’s an unknown man in the mansion.”

“Sis, Sis,” The Blue haired one, Rem, answered the other, “And he just appeared in front of us-”

Okabe stood up quick as a bolt surprising the others that the older man could move so nimbly - his own twins had kept him in shape over the last few years, even if he’d still feel this later - “I am mad scientist! Hououin Kyouma!” He laughed in his role, and he looked at the twins, pointed his finger at them, the very air about him was just as over the top as his actions, “And I have twins of my own, you know! Oh, They’ve always wished they were a matching set - like you two! So did Mayuri,” He nodded confidently. His hand on his chin as he was lost in the thought of his children, “She still dresses them in matching maid costumes though despite John’s protests~ She loves their matching cosplay! Ho Ho Ho~!”

“What?” Subaru stuttered finally piecing that this mad man in front of him was from the same homeland as his.

The twins stared at Okabe, genuine fear on their face, “He’s a mad man, isn’t he?” Rem muttered.

Okabe put his hands on his hips, and he corrected them, “The term is Mad Scientist.” His back arched as he followed the statement up with a laughter that could only seem to come from madness.

A small white haired woman stood in the doorway, attention shifted when she spoke. No one had noticed her entering the scene. “I heard some noise going on-” She noticed Okabe, “Who is that?”

“He’s with me,” Subaru answered quickly before Okabe could manage another while reaction in response to his sudden appearance in the room.

Okabe glanced at Subaru and he quickly rolled with it. He also kept his mouth shut so he couldn’t mess up whatever Subaru had going on in his world timeline jumping mess. Okabe had already died once. He didn’t feel the need to keep stumbling about and pressing his luck any more then need be. First time he’d been on the dying end, and he would rather keep that old friend away despite their long acquaintance.

“Who is he, Subaru?” The white haired girl asked. Okabe stared at her ears for a moment, they were pointed. Was she an elf? He shouldn’t be surprised considering the set up. She was just only denizen he’d noticed to have those features. And he’d seen plenty of man beasts - or what ever they were called in this world - wandering around the market streets earlier. No wait - He’d seen longer ears…

Was she a half elf? And if so why was she the only one he’d -

“Entertainment.” Subaru answered bring Okabe back to reality.

“Really?” Okabe asked. He turned to stare at Subaru, “That’s why I’m here?”

Subaru shrugged, “I mean, ‘mad scientist’?” He said with matching air quotes, “What is that in a world of magic? If not entertainment?” Subaru gave Okabe a pointed glare, “You were aware of that - weren’t you?”

“I have been known to read an ungodly amount of tv tropes. So yes,” Okabe answered him as he sat back down with crossed arms, “Yes, Subaru, I had guessed at that.” He might have been a bit resist to the reality of the notion, but when time shifted, he couldn’t keep hoping that he was just in a coma due to the accident. Although, he really shouldn’t put it past his brain to come up with an altered world like this one with time travel, but he couldn't just run with the notion that nothing mattered. Especially since he had just died? He reached to pull his phone out of his pocket before realizing he wasn’t wearing his lab coat, “I’m just his escort,” Okabe grumbled, dropping his Kyouma act as he glanced up at the three girls in the doorway. He found only his old phone from his D-mail days was in his back pocket with his wallet. The only thing left from the now missing lab outfit he’d been wearing and his current, working phone. “Took me a while to find the child. I apologize,” He held the dead D-mail phone up, “My magic device here is old and unreliable, but at the very least it did - in the end - get me to his side. I apologize,” Okabe quickly stood back up and entered a steep, steep bow fitting one of his presumed rank, “For any inconvenience my young master may have caused you.”

Okabe hoped the lack of insanity in his air replaced with a fatherly gentleness, confidence, and the absolute hogwash of a reason he was making up on the fly made him believable to them. He just wanted to go home, and that meant being free to make progress on recreating the accident that had sent him here.

“Oh!” The white haired girl slipped between the twins, and the trio bowed just as deeply as Okabe was. No one saw Subaru pointedly glaring at Okabe as Emilia spoke up, “No such thing. In fact, I owe this young man-”

“Oh, get up both of you,” Subaru muttered, “You’re making me blush.” Okabe chuckled as he did such and so did the trio in the doorway with a deep blush as Subaru looked at them. Subaru stared at Emilia,

“Who ever picked that outfit totally gets it!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but the fact that I know it’s something stupid is disappointing. Subaru, Are you feeling alright? Does anything feel off?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m just a bit groggy from oversleeping. You saved me, didn’t you, Emilia-tan?”

“‘Tan’? What does ‘tan’ mean?”

Okabe rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Uh, You can just ignore that one.” Subaru answered with a slight blush, sideways gaze, and hand rubbed the side of his head, “Seriously, though, thanks. You saved me.” Subaru finally joined the club and bowed.

Emilia shook her head, and the rest of her body went with her like her shoulders had to follow her chin, softening the rebuke, “No,” She said with a voice just as soft as her expression, “I should be the one thanking you. You barely know me...”

Okabe, the old man in the room, smiled, subtle and wistful, watching the little ones in front of him interact. Subaru never had a chance against this girl’s charms.

Okabe started to toy with the ring on his left hand. He wanted to whisper in Kurisu’s ear. He wanted to put his hands on her waist, and he wanted to pull her close, watch her blush, and he wanted to whisper in her ear every chain of nonsense syllables he could. When she’d try to push him away and chide him for such actions, he’d fall into the role of Hououin Kyouma, and he’d tell her that he speaking in code. He had to safeguard against The Organization. An Organization of pure evil was not allowed to know how love worked after all. Kurisu would chuckle at that, and then he’d lean in, and then she would lean in closing the gap-

The young brat was coughing, “Kyouma?”

“Okarin,” He answered without realizing where he was, who he talking to, as he pulled himself back into focus with those around him - and he just stared at the four people staring at him. “Sorry,” He rubbed the back of his head, “I was thinking about my wife. She use to call me Okarin. I was a bit more lost in memories then I thought I was. Apologizes.”

“Oh,” Emilia put a hand to her mouth, “I’m so sorry for your loss-”

Okabe waved quickly. This was a sharp girl, “No, no no - She still does. I apologize. It’s been a long trip from kingdom we’re from. I haven’t heard it so long. I miss her - and the twins.”

“He did say something of twins.” Ram said with a nod. She turned to Rem, “Can you imagine having a brother to look like you?”

Rem shook her head.

“Same.” The other admitted.

They sighed in unison.

“What are their names?” Emilia asked with a smile on her lips.

Okabe blushed like the doting father he was, “John and Titor Rintarou.”

Subaru snorted. Subaru was apparently a nerd, or a dork, or just someone that wanted Okabe to frown at them. Okabe gladly did so.

“Rintarou? I thought your last name was Hououin?” Subaru asked.

“They took their mother’s name. It’s tradition in our country.”

“Ah.”

Okabe knew if Subaru had anything on his shoulders he’d make note of that bald faced lie, “Well,” Subaru clapped his hands together hoping that would knock the somber out of the air, “Then, Once again - I guess it’s time to start a new day!”


	3. A Dinner Party with No Doctor Pepper Is No Dinner Party

Okabe sat on the stairs that lead up to the mansion as Subaru and Emilia performed morning stretches at Subaru’s insistence. Okabe watched them for a while. He enjoyed seeing the light air of youth. He no longer saw the deep shadows in Subaru’s eyes that he’d seen haunting those golden orbs the first time he’d met the boy.

He pulled out his phone, and he tried to turn on the old device on. Honestly, he didn’t know why he carried the broken thing around still. He’d already upgraded to a far more reliable device, “Maybe,” He mumbled as the screen somehow managed to flicker to life.

He quickly typed up a message, short and sweet and simply inquiring about how his assistant was handling life - their lab and their kids - without him, and pressed send.

He was out of the service area.

“Of course,” He rolled his eyes before he turned it off and put it back in his pocket.

He saw the small fur ball flying about Subaru when he went back to watching the puppy love mush going on in front of him. He moaned, and he groaned. He stood up and started to stretch himself.

He had to move. It was as simple as that, and with the lies he’d told about being the boy’s attendant he was stuck at his side. At least for now, and a small gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach told him that there wasn’t a point in getting too worked up over the situation he landed himself in - at least for now anyways. That gnawing feeling was telling him that he was going to shift from this world line. He was hoping it wasn’t a feeling he was getting from his past experiences in the matter - that it was just paranoia.

He watched as the twins marched past him to Emilia’s side. He couldn’t hear their words, but he watched as the trio, Subaru, Emilia and the cat thing, followed after the twins. Subaru squinted at Okabe who shrugged back.

Okabe walked in silence behind them.

Subaru filled the halls with his mindless chatter with Emilia.

The doors to the room the twins lead them two swung open, and Subaru marched right into Okabe’s amusement.

“I was watching you from upstairs, and you know what? It would seem you’re quite dumb, I suppose.”

“Where do you get off saying that, you loli!?”

“What does that word mean?”

Now it was Okabe’s turn to snort at Subaru’s nerdy quirk.

Subaru shot him a glare, and the rest looked with curiosity at the action. He was just a servant to them.

“You,” Okabe pointed at Subaru, “Did the same when I mentioned my twin’s names. Don’t give me that look - that was far ruder...”

“Fair enough,” Subaru quickly answered raising his hands in surrender when Emilia sent him a shaming stare, “I had that coming.”

At least the attention was off of Okabe again.

“Hey, Betty,” Puck, as he had come to find out was the cat thing’s name, said with a wave from Emilia’s shoulder, “Haven’t seen you in four days. Have you been well and staying ladylike?”

“Bubby!” Okabe and Subaru stared in awe as all sobriety left the sullen form of a child in front of them to look at the little Puck who had just entered the room, “I’ve been waiting for you to come home. Will you stay with me today, do you suppose?”

“Sure,” Puck answered with a smile, “No problem. Let’s relax together today.”

“Yay!” Okabe felt a shiver go up and down his spine watching such a sudden change in expressions from the girl he’d just met as she danced off with Puck in her hands.

“Bewildered, aren’t you?” Emilia asked leaning closer to Subaru. Okabe bristled for a moment being the older one and getting completely cold shouldered for the explanation until he realized he was known as nothing but Subaru’s aide. It was also clear that whatever was going on between those two was mutual at least in some regard, “Beatrice is so taken with Puck.”

Subaru glanced away with the gap between them just a little bit less then a moment before, “Who even says ‘bewildered’ nowadays?”

_People who live a fantasy world_ , Okabe called the boy out in his thoughts, and the punk had chided him for not being genre savvy not even an hour earlier.

“My, my~”

Okabe stepped aside with a simple bow as the eccentric character entered the scene.He was not going to chance accidentally pissing off the head of whatever noble family he was currently intruding on.

“How unusual to see you here, Beatrice…” The man entered as he glided, not walked - Okabe knew the difference and this man with his white face and gaudy outfit was like any other cosplayer he’d met. Hiding something - be it just their face behind makeup, taken away with the art they worked, or something more - and for a man with this much power trying to hide behind the face of a jester, he doubted that it wasn’t malicious in nature, “I’m so happy you’ve decided to dine with me.”

“That boy is more then enough addle-brained fool for me, I suppose. Betty was only waiting for Bubby!”

Okabe flinched as Subaru patted the man on the back, “You guys hired a clown-” Okabe did more then flinch internally, gagged, maybe threw up a little in his mouth, possibly thought that now was a good time to run if he ever wanted to see Kurisu and the girls again, “- To entertain you before each meal? I’ll never understand how rich people think.” Okabe barely kept his hands at his side. He barely kept himself from trying to the rub the compounding stress from his temples. This was being said by the boy that had his own butler traveling around with him. He might not have been rolling in the dough, circumstances considering, but he had definitely given the feel old money up until now.

“Uh, Subaru, that man is…”

“Oh no-”

“The lord of this estate,” Okabe bowed deeply in apology for his ‘ward’s mistake, “At the very least. I apologize I am not as informed for this land’s hierarchy as I should have been in bring Subaru. Subaru, you should apologize -”

“Oh, No. It really is quite all right…” The man said turning to Okabe, “I’m afraid I haven’t caught your name, sir?”

“Hououin Kyouma,” He answered, “I am the aid of my liege. I am in a great debt for the care you’ve shown my charge, and I apologize for his ignorance and lack of manners.”

Okabe had never bowed this much in life, or had to say Hououin Kyoma so much while acting completely docile and not at all like a mad scientist about to descend the world into madness.

The Lord of the Manor waved a hand, “I may indeed be the lord of this Manor, Roswaal L. Mathers, but he is Emilia-sama’s guest. He is clearly a foreigner as yourself as well. His lack of manners is hardly surprising.”

Okabe rose, and he watched Roswaal. Roswaal didn’t seem to trust Subaru anymore then Okabe trusted him. Okabe smiled, “You’re graciousness is deeply appreciated.”

Kurisu would have been impressed with the way he was slipping into the mask of a polite butler of all things.

* * *

 

All but the staff quickly sat at the table. Rem and Ram stood behind Roswaal after they’d served the first dish, and Okabe took a place behind Subaru.

“This is way better then normal food,” Subaru said after a first bite, and the way he said it caused Okabe to close his eyes in an attempt to block out the stress the younger time traveler was causing him.

“Despite her appearance, Rem’s cooking is quite impressive.”

Okabe chewed the inside of his cheek. The maid looked like she she knew how to take care of the house - looked to him like she knew how to do her job. Was Roswaal making a comment about Ram?

“So this was cooked by the one with blue hair… Um, Rem-chan, right?”

_No - Not that Rem. The other rem in the manor._ Okabe couldn’t stop his hands this time, but he cracked his neck instead of anything that would normally be considering a sign of showing stress. That would have been rude to his ‘ward’, “So you made this, then?”

“Yes, sir. I do the cooking in this house. My sister is not very good at cooking.”

Subaru pointed his spoon at the pair, “Ah, Twins that are good at separate things. Is your sister good at cleaning, then?”

“Yes, that is correct. My sister excels at housework, particularly cleaning and laundry.”

“So, Rem-rin, you’re good at cooking, but bad at cleaning and laundry?”

“No, I’m generally good at all household tasks. I am also better at laundry and cleaning then my sister.”

“Does your sister even have a purpose?!”

This time Okabe didn’t disguise his nose bridge rubbing as anything other.

“You truly are a strange young man…” Okabe couldn’t disagree with Roswaal’s statement, but yet Okabe could at the same time. Subaru wasn’t strange for a young man back home. But he was most certainly odd considering the boy’s current setting, “You come to the mansion of Margrave Mathers, in the kingdom of Lugunica, but you claim to understand nothing!”

“Is something bad happening in the country?”

Now, Okabe had hope in the boy’s skills of perception. Kinda of. Either way, he hoped.

“Well, it’s not in a very agreeable state. After all Lugunica’s king is currently not present.” Okabe also breathed when that weight was realized by Subaru, “No, there’s no need to be concerned… Everyone is already aware of the reality.”

“Really? I expected a ‘Now you know my secret, I can’t let you leave here alive” thing.”

Okabe nearly sighed, breaking his butler mask. It wasn’t Roswaal’s secret. It was the entire kingdom’s then. Okabe took relief in the fact that the boy knew so much as to suspect that sort of behavior out of Roswaal.

“Around the same time as the king went into hiding, an epidemic began to spread through the castle! The King and his children are the last of his line. Currently, a council of wise men manages the nation, and they are now in the process of selecting a new king!”

Okabe looked at Emilia. No way - He looked back at Subaru.

“I see,” Subaru folded his arms as he nodded with understanding, “I’m starting to get the picture.”

Okabe doubted that.

“On top of his absence, the royal selection is causing confusion in the kingdom. Then, suddenly I appear from another world- Wait, I’m totally suspect here!”

That was the moment Okabe knew that today was not going to be a pain free day.

“And on top of that, you made contact with Emilia-sama, thus becoming connected to my household!”

“Wait - Why would the lord of the mansion call her “Emilia-sama”?”

Of course that was point being made that Subaru would latch onto. Okabe shouldn’t have been surprised, or exasperated by it. He was most certainly at least a little bit of the latter. The implications of what they were saying about Subaru - and he only notices that little detail to derail the conversation in.

“It’s only natural to address someone of higher status with all due respect... “

“Um, so Emilia-tan would be…”

“My current status is a candidate to become the kingdom of Lugunica’s fourty-second ruler, with Margrave Roswaal’s backing.”

“What?!” Even Okabe was mildly surprised by that revelation, but that was because Emilia seemed too gentle for a the cut throat world of politics. His gaze drifted over to Roswaal, who was also gazing at Okabe. Okabe didn’t know how to feel with realization that he’d gained this man’s curiosity, but he was just as suspect as Subaru was at this moment - if not more.

“Sorry to surprise you.” Emilia answered, “I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret.” She set a small emblem down on the table.

“Hey, it’s that insignia,” Subaru mumbled. Okabe was grateful it was loud enough for him to hear.

“This qualifies one to be candidate for king. It’s a touchstone for determining if one is worthy of the throne.”

“Wait, Emilia-tan, you lost an insignia that qualifies you to rule the kingdom?”

Now, Okabe was just shocked as Subaru had been when he’d heard.

“Don’t put it that way! I didn’t loose it! It was stolen from me by a thief!”

“That’s the same thing! And what if you lose that thing, anyways? Will the government issue another?”

“Oh, my! If you lost it, then there would be no doubt," Roswaal cooed, "If it were thought that one, who can’t even protect a tiny insignia, can’t be entrusted with the nation’s rule, that would be the end.”

“Now that I think about it, I did a damn good job. This totally raises my expectations for a reward…”

“Yeah, you’re right. You were my true savior. So ask for anything.” Emilia's face was gentle. Was that the culture they were in now? Okabe made a mental note on that apparent change of customs.

“You may have any reward you request. Merely state your desire!” Roswaal said with arms wide as the performer he presented himself as.

“In that case, I have but one request. Hire me to work in this mansion!”

The room stared at Subaru for a moment. Ram sneezed, and then the gaze shifted from Subaru to Okabe - his butler.

“How do you think I lost him in the first place?” Okabe shrugged like a man who had given up on life a long, long time ago, “He’s a highly impulsive boy.” He waved his hand dismissively at the boy who didn’t realize how his request sounded, “Go ahead and humor him if that’s his request.”

“If you’re working here,” Emilia spoke up, “What about your butler-”

“Do you have a library?” Okabe asked quickly, “You won’t want to keep this boy around forever - no point in dismissing me.”

After all - if they had a lady that was going to become queen - then certainly they had such, and it was the only lead that he had, and he simply needed to stay by Subaru's side until he could provide the answers that he had to give.

“He’s not going anywhere near my library,” Beatrice spoke up, “I have enough guests with Subaru here.”

“And you knocked me out. I hardly counted as a guest.” Subaru chided.

Okabe stared at Subaru. He was really getting to the point where he needed explanations, and not just because he was still trying to figure out the blessing of how he was not _not_ alive right now.

Roswaal clapped his hands together, “Then we shall do both - I shall have Ram instruct him on how to read while Rem and Emilia enjoy your company as they get you settled into your new position, Subaru-kun. Unless you would rather teach him, Beatrice? He will be in your library after all...”

“Fine.”

Now - It was Okabe's turn to focus on what he wanted to hear, and not on the one oddity that Roswaal had just performed on him.


	4. Guide Dang It - Maybe the Library Has Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References made to S;G drama CDs and other non anime content ahead - and I need amend the tags. Not that I know much of Re:Zero outside of the anime canon, but I've been reading LN summaries and some of that content is going to highly affect upcoming plot points.
> 
> Also - Long chapter? Apparently it's like 4k which is pretty much the total word count of the last three chapters? So Enjoy? 
> 
> El Psy Congroo.

And in two hours time he was managing to flip through children’s books with Beatrice subtly helping him as he read the stories aloud.

“You’re a quick study, I suppose,” Beatrice commented.

“Hm?” Okabe looked up from the pages in front of him.

“People don’t normally learn entirely new language systems in an hour.”

“Well the language is the same. It’s just different characters for the same sounds,” Okabe mumbled, “And when you’re use to checking my wife’s papers - this is a cake walk.” Okabe closed the book and looked at the shelves around him, “Can I start reading those yet?”

“No.”

“When?”

“Just because you’re here doesn’t mean-”

“Gah,” Okabe slammed his forehead into the table in front of him. He looked up at Beatrice and he sighed.

He just wanted to go home. He just wanted to see his twins. He wanted to roll his eyes as John pouted as Mayrui and Luka doted over him in the maid costumes he’d forced the poor five year old into. Everyone knew he enjoyed anything that had to do with his Godmother and her cosplaying obsession, as well as with his sister. Everyone knew John adored Titor, and it was hardly a one way street. The twins were like two parts that made a whole. It didn’t help that they were ostracized by their peers - Okabe and Kurisu still couldn’t stop talking about metaphysics at the dinner table after all. Everyone enjoyed the riveting dry science talk, but that was hardly what the other kids were talking about these days. Nor did most children accidentally recreate their parent’s work. He had banned them from texting until they were twelve - or at least until he could figure out how they kept breaking the microwave.

Okabe moaned. Kurisu didn’t know when the world lines shifted - what if he’d end up going home to find it wasn’t - Okabe cut off the thought. He didn’t want to think about how much longer it might be until he got back home.

“Are you okay?” Beatrice asked after an hour of Okabe’s inconsistent groanings.

“No,” He answered. He sat up and he stared at Beatrice, “You look like you’re twelve years old. My twins are five. So many children...”

“I’m not twelve.”

“Well -  _ Clearly _ . You want to live in a library, and you don’t want guests. Most girls when they’re twelve want absolutely anyone and everything to see them. They think they can take on the world because they know just how much the world shouldn’t be taking them on.”

“That made no sense.”

“Because you were never a twelve year old girl, were you? Or perhaps it’s a cultural thing.”

Beatrice stood up, and Okabe watched as she put her hand on his chest.

“What are you doing?” He eventually asked.

“Don’t move.”

Okabe pulled away from her, “I can tell you anything you want to know - no need to pull out some sort of magic. I’m not an enemy.”

Beatrice frowned, “Who are you then?”

Okabe squinted at her, “I’m just a man from another world and time that wants to go home so he can see his wife and kids.” He pointed at the books around him, “So can I read the damn things so I can figure out how to do that?”

“How did you get into the mansion?”

“No idea,” Okabe looked at the little brat in front of him and decided more honesty couldn’t hurt him, “I was hanging out with the Subaru kid, died, and then I woke up here. That is all I know. Where I come from there is no magic. Just science. I need to figure out how to recreate the lab experiment that sent me here.  _ I just want to go home. _ ”

“Don’t swear about my books,” She muttered before shuffling off the chair she seemed to favor. 

Okabe watched her, and she looked up from the book in her hands, “Go on!” She told him, “Do you need my permission written down, I suppose?”

Okabe stood up, jumped up, and he pumped his arms in excitement, “Thank you!”

“Just start reading,” The little blushing thing told him.

Okabe smirked at the household tsundere and rushed off to read the spines of all the nearest books so he could figure out which ones he wanted to start with.

* * *

 

Later that day, as Okabe sat at a table with Beatrice, surrounded by books, she broke the silence, “How did you know?”

“Know what?” He asked without looking up from the tome about mystical creatures. He was currently consuming.

“All of the things you’re not suppose to?”

“After living through what could have very well have been a very bad scifi visual novel, I decided to brush up on all the tropes in the fantasy stories,” He looked up at her with tired, disappointed eyes, “I didn’t think I’d actually rolled my luck this poorly.”

“I didn’t understand a single word of that.”

Okabe smiled weakly. It was clear that he was keeping his sobbing very much internal so Beatrice didn’t interrupt him again as he went back to his reading.

* * *

 

Okabe stood up and stretched. He glanced at his wrist, expecting to see his watch. It was gone - just like his lab coat and he sighed because he should have known better then to expect it, “Do you know the time?” He asked with a look over to the currently reading Beatrice.

She shrugged.

He sighed again. He should have guessed that time didn’t really matter to her.

Okabe turned towards the door, and he started to leave figuring he’d lost track of the time researching like he’d normally do with Kurisu.

“Why?” Beatrice asked. Her words stopped Okabe’s hand, and he turned around to look at her as she clarified, “Why did you tell me what you did? Do you honestly think I believe you?”

Okabe smirked, and his hand went up to his chin and he fell into the name that he’d been telling everyone was his, “Hououin Kyouma,” He answered, “Expects no one to believe him, but only hopes that in that - they’ll find the truth!” His evil scientist laughter echoed in the room as he swung the doors open with a zeal.

“No one your age should act that way, human,” Beatrice grumbled.

Okabe glanced over his shoulder and threw her a knowing smile.

“Keep the books on that desk, Betty. I’ll be back after a quick nap.”

* * *

 

Okabe realized as he stumbled about the dark hallways that he had no idea where the library was, and he no idea where Subaru’s room was suppose to be or his if he was suppose to have one.

After almost a hour of wandering around and realizing that no one had actually given him any sort of tour of the house he found a cove in the wall and fell asleep there. He’d find someone in the morning and talk to them then to get this all sorted out.

* * *

 

There was a sharp poke in his shoulder, and he woke with the sensation of dried drool on his chin and eyes bearing down on him. He looked up at Subaru and Rem staring down awkward and uncomfortably at him.

“What are you doing, Hououin?” Subaru asked.

“I didn’t find a bed, and I couldn’t find the library after I left it. So I slept where I could.”

“Ah,” Subaru said in a vague attempt to sound like he agreed with that logic, “I should lead him to his room, shouldn’t I, Rem?”

“I’ll met you in the kitchen, Subaru.” Okabe watched as she gracefully left them alone.

“Who are you?” Subaru hissed. He leaned close to Okabe, “And what are you doing here?”

“This is the first time we’ve had a chance to properly talk, isn’t it?” Okabe noted as he stood up and brushed off his outfit, “Perhaps we should consider having this conversation in private, hm?”

Subaru frowned, “If you’re here to hurt Emilia-”

“I just want to go home,” Okabe put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder, “I have a family and kids, _ ya nerd _ .” Who else would just roll with being summoned to a fantasy world - and not worry about trying to find a way out of it?

Actually - None of the dorks he knew. Daru, for example, would always prefer his 2d girls over the 3d ones, or least that was  _ still _ his claim. Okabe was still waiting for his friend to muster up the courage to seal Suzuha’s fate of being born in such a peaceful world line. It was time for him to be handing out the last Lab Member pin he’d made seven years ago after Operation Skuld, but the man hadn’t even popped the question of going out on a date with Suzuha’s mother yet.  _ Not properly anyways _ . It was clear to everyone that they were dating, but - Okabe knew it wasn’t leading to Suzuha anytime soon. It was infuriating watching Daru. He swore, the moment he got back to him him, he was going along with whatever crazy plan Mayrui had in store for getting those two birds to final do more then blush and nerd out at each other. Apparently life on the run had given Daru a greater reason to have a family in the ‘today’ since he didn’t know if he’d ever have a tomorrow. He really seemed to need the push -

And it wouldn’t be from Okabe - but it was a plan for him to ignore after getting home. 

And he just wanted to keep thinking that he would indeed be going back there before anything changed too drastically.

Subaru bristled, and he frowned, “Your room, sir.” He said with pointed gesture in the way opposite direction that Rem had disappeared off to.

Okabe smiled and nodded, “Lead the way.”

* * *

 

The room was apparently next to Subaru’s and Subaru escorted Okabe inside it. He locked the door behind him.

“So you,” Subaru motioned at himself, “Um, know about my thing.”

Subaru nodded, “Well - I know you’re the reason why my Reading Steiner is getting used again.”

“Reading Steiner?”

“Heh. I remember when I tripped on you brat. That’s all really needs to be said, don’t you think?”

“You remember what happens before I-?” He cut himself off.

“You can’t talk about it, can you?”

Subaru looked away from him, “The last time it happened someone died.”

“It wouldn’t seem like such to me.” Okabe grumbled.

Subaru stared at him, “You fell into my arms,” He hissed, “You were dead.  _ You died _ .”

“Meh, It’s not 2036 yet.”

“ _ You know when you’re suppose to die? _ ”

“I assure you - I have plans for when that world line convergence point for it occurs.” Perhaps he should try recreating Daru’s time machine to get out of this current pickle? Perhaps this world was just a different world line rather then completely different dimension? Those were trains of thought to follow up on while going through his reading.

“What?”

Okabe shrugged, “I’ve learned just to roll with it,” He looked at the struggling teenager in front of him, “Yes. I know when I’m suppose to die, or, I mean, at least, it hasn’t been  _ disproven _ yet. And the world is very stubborn about its convergence points.”

Subaru couldn’t argue with him on that.

“So I’m guessing it’s what it says on the can?” Okabe asked breaking the silence, “You return from death?”

The air tensed, but not in the magical way. Subaru nodded, “Yeah. No one remembers. I do,” His hand went to his stomach, “I’ve been disemboweled twice now.”

“What about the third death?”

“... It was a disembowelment? I just -”

“We’re on the fourth world line, Subaru. You’ve died three time but you’ve only -”

“I ran into a knife, ‘kay? It was an accident and it’s embarrassing.”

“Understandably so,” Okabe said with a nod, “I understand the -”

“How?” Subaru snapped, “How could you possibly-”

Okabe, being an old man with so many days of his own that his face didn’t show, decided that now was not the time to play the here’s how my life is shitter then yours game, and he simply put his hand on his heart and looked at Subaru pointedly, “You’re not the only one that’s died in this world and remembers it.”

Subaru nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“No harm done,” Okabe answered, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Subaru shook his head and he smiled, “Nah, I mean, what’s done is done, ya know?”

“I can get that.” Okabe answered.

“So what are you doing here?”

“You mean beside the whole not being dead bit?”

“Yeah.”

Okabe shrugged, “I’m currently studying everything I can about this world to figure out a way to get back home. You interested?”

Subaru shook his head, “Maybe I can do and be something in this world. I never really managed to be or do much back home,” He held up his hand and showed Okabe where there was a wrap around his finger, “ _ I peeled a potato. _ ”

Okabe clamped a hand on Subaru’s shoulder, grinned, and he laughed, “Fantastic job ward, Hououin Kyouma is proud.”

“Is that really your real name?” Subaru stared at Okabe who flinched.

His gaze slowly drifted down towards Subaru, “No.” He answered simply, “It’s not, but it’s the only thing you’re getting.”

“And why would you withhold your name from anyone? Are you a criminal back home?”

Okabe stared at Subaru. He wasn’t one in their world line, he had every right to look mildly insulted. He could still smell the kebabs with that remark though. “I know how fantasy tropes work,” He finally answered, “Until someone tells me that using my name is a safe thing to do - then I am not doing that.”

Subaru had a turn staring at Okabe with a mildly insulted air, “That doesn’t happen to the protagonists in these stories.”

“We think it’s a stereotypical story - then it’s got space to pull a deconstruction on us. I’ve already been through a ‘stereotypical’ time travel. I have no right to presume that that is this again.”

Subaru chuckled awkwardly, “What do you mean?”

“Seven years ago Akihabara had a satellite crash in -”

“Um, no? That didn’t happen.”

“Oh - Yeah. You’re right. How could I forget?” Okabe muttered. He always got those two initial accidents mixed up, “You heard about the -”

“Wait - Do you mean, everyone else has forgotten a satellite crashing into Akihabara?” Subaru interrupted.

Okabe shrugged, “It never happened - so I don’t see how they could-” Subaru nodded as Okabe realized that he’d unintentionally made his point as he was trying to figure it out, “And that,” Okabe added, “Was how I prevented World War III.”

“That,” Subaru said with arms crossed and pointing finger in Okabe’s direction, “I don’t believe. But your point has been made since I’m in no position to argue with the premise of it.”

“Thank you?”

“So what are you trying to do in the library?”

“As stated - I have a family I want to go home to.” His voice cracked. He hadn’t realized how desperate he was, but consider the amount of relief he’d felt when Kurisu had said yes. How safe he’d felt - knowing that fate could no longer keep him from the two girls he’d cherished the most in his life, “Please,” He whispered, “I just need to know how to get back to the library so I can keep looking into how to recreate the accident that sent me here. I just need to reverse engineer the pulse-”

“How do you know our science works here?”

“Why do you think I’m studying  _ everything _ ?”

Subaru relaxed, “I’ll help you get back to the library. Beatrice likes to move the door around.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in a bed first?”

“I already feel refreshed from the nap in the hallway. I need to get back to my work.”

* * *

 

So that was how Okabe spent the next four days - barely sleeping as he learned everything he could about the world around them. The bags under his eyes, and he could feel the need for a break, his mind was dulling with the prolonged lack of sleep. He couldn’t stop. It had been nearly a week since he’d seen his family.

Then, in the middle of the night, he felt a pulse. His Reading Steiner activated, and he stumbled, surprised, dropping the books he was currently carrying away from the book shelf.

“Kyouma!” Beatrice shouted as she watched the color fade from his face.

“Good bye,” he whispered before the world turned off around him.

* * *

 

He woke with a gasp at the bedside beside Subaru. The twins were already in the room. Okabe bolted up, and he looked down. This time he was back in his lab coat, “Oi,” He muttered turning to Subaru. He reached out and grabbed Subaru’s shoulder, “Oi! Subaru - Wake up!”

Subaru snorted and he pulled away from Okabe’s grasp.

“Oh god,” Okabe muttered as his hand pulled away from Subaru.

The kid had died in his sleep.

He turned to look at the twins that were now cowering away from the wild man, and he tsk’ed himself for his behavior.

But, he was more worried about his reading privileges. The boy was fine after all. He was alive. It might be a bit of a shock when he woke up, but there was nothing Okabe could do for him. And explaining his sudden appearance to the twins was hardly appealing either. So he darted from the room. The pair had been stunned and left him to his own devices as Subaru’s reaction was more then enough to forget about him. He swung a door open to find Beatrice staring up at him, “Another rude guest, I suppose.”

Okabe stepped in and he slammed the door shut behind him, “Betty,” He put his hands on his hips, “I am Hououin Kyouma! And I am a mad scientist! That means - I have travelled far with Subaru - the young man you’ve aided,” He’d managed to get that story over the last week in the castle even if he’d mainly hid himself in this one room with this one person, “Just so I can look at these books. I - Hououin Kyouma - wish to find a way -”

“You smell,” She stood up and she walked over to Okabe, and she put a hand on his chest. 

He flinched away again like the first time, “Nope,” He muttered. He’d learned what she’d planned to do him - what Subaru had gone through before he woke up, “I don’t have time to sleep. Please. Just let me study.”

“What makes you think you can read these books?”

“What are you trying to say, Betty?”

“Does the rest of the castle know you’re with Subaru? This is the first I’ve seen of you - or heard of you. How can I believe you? That you’re not a spy? Please stop calling me Betty.”

“Do you really care about the politics behind Emilia’s claim to the throne?” Okabe ignored the Betty comment.

Beatrice stepped aside and motioned at the library, “If nothing else, you’ll be entertaining to entertain here, I suppose.”

“I know this is your bedroom as well,” Okabe commented as he strode into the familiar walls, “And, I doubt Subaru knows I’m here.” He threw a sidelong glance at Beatrice, “I only plan on sleeping for three hours a day and never leaving this room. Is that okay with you?”

“It will be unpleasant, I suppose. Can I know why you’re so desperate to be in here at the least?”

Okabe glanced at the book he was grabbing. It was a guide to trees. He held it out so Beatrice could see the cover clearly, “Because - As you are to being human,” Beatrice’s gaze hardened. His gamble had paid off. “Is how I belong here to this world.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means, I don’t, and I’m going to find a way back home. No matter how long it takes to do exactly that - and I hear this is the most informed library in the Lugunica.”

“Roswaal can’t know you’re here then.”

“Why is that?”

“Because he’d never believe a story as outlandish as that, I suppose.”

“And you do?”

“Does it matter if I do? At least I can keep an eye on you this way,” She stood towards the door, “I’ll make sure Subaru doesn’t give you away. Even if you doubt he’s aware of you - you did say you traveled here with him after all.”

“He’ll be more worried about something else at the moment, I would think.” Okabe mumbled as the door closed behind her.

A few minutes passed and Subaru rushed in. Okabe looked up from the book in his hands, and he opened his mouth to say something. He watched Subaru slide down the door and sit with his head cradled between his legs.

Okabe closed his mouth, and he realized with just a shade of horror just how comfortable he’d gotten with the fact that he was reliving days again after someone else had died.

He stared at Subaru, and he saw Mayuri.

He saw Christina.

He was an idiot.

“Are you okay?” Okabe asked softly. He set aside his book and gave Subaru the attention he deserved.

“No,” Subaru answered, “I’m not. I made a promise with Emilia-tan. We were going to go to town. I promised to take her on a date- How did I die?” He straightened up a bit replaying the scenario he was in, “I see the conditions have changed. The save point has moved from in front of the man with the appas to the two angelic girls in maid uniforms-”

“That’s a step up if ever I’ve heard,” Okabe quipped, even a week away from Daru hadn’t dulled his reactions. 

Subaru snorted and he looked up at the old man in front of him, “Everything was normal before I fell asleep. Even after I fell asleep, I wasn’t in any situation that I felt might be fatal…”

“Poison then?” Okabe suggested, “Something delayed?”

Subaru sighed, “Could have been magic - tying it with a certain time of the day as well.”

Okabe nodded, “I read briefly some where that curses are used when activated. If someone cursed you intentionally - they could have been waiting for you to sleep to activate it.”

“That’s considerate.”

“Less hassle.”

“You are a charming, dear, Kyouma.”

Okabe shrugged, “Mad scientist.”

“Well.” Subaru stood with a stretch, “Do you have plans?”

“Hiding in here. Beatrice is covering me so we don’t have to worry about the awkward butler having a butler thing we had last time.”

Subaru nodded, “I was thinking about asking to be a guest this time - since Emilia-tan had mentioned something about just asking for that since I’m broke. No need to work. I can spend more time with Emilia that way, but perhaps it would be best to just to try and not to change anything so we can find out what exactly  _ did _ happen. Emilia-tan could have enemies and I could have just been a victim of being at the wrong place at the right time.”

“Right time?”

“I’m going to protect Emilia-tan, Kyouma. If I wasn’t here - she’d have gotten hurt.”

Okabe frowned just a tiny bit at the boy’s tone, but he shrugged. He couldn’t really say much on the subject, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

The door beside Subaru swung open and Beatrice looked up at Subaru with mild displeasure - like she did everything else - “I shouldn’t be surprised to see you here, I suppose.” She glanced at Okabe as the door swung close behind her, “I suppose you two have spoken to each other then.”

Okabe smiled and gave her a thumbs up, “It’s all OK.”

“I don’t understand half the things that come out of you mouth, I suppose.”


	5. Betty Needs A Bumper Sticker That Reads - I Don't Understand Half of the Things That Come Out of Your Mouth - She Also Needs a Car For That

Subaru visited Beatrice again before he slipped away into his bedroom for the night, “Where’s Kyouma?” He asked once the door was solidly shut behind him.

“Over two rows. He decided walking over to the table to read with me was too much of a hassle, I suppose. Muttered something about doing the math - wasting two hours over the last five days or something, I suppose.” Beatrice shrugged, jumped from her chair and motioned for Subaru to follow her, “We had an argument about it.”

“If you wanted me to speak up all you had to do was say Marco, Betty!”

Beatrice took a deep breath, “You’ll be lucky if your friend survives staying here.”

Subaru chuckled nervously as he followed the small child over to the aisle Kyouma had been sitting in. He stood up and grabbed the books he’d had stacked around him. He opened his mouth and looked over at Subaru with such a light in his eye until he recognized who it was. The fire died immediately, “And that has hardly been the only time you’ve spoken today, I suppose. Who is Christina?”

Kyouma smiled, “Just a memory I can’t forget.”

“Wait- You’ve been forgetting-?” Subaru felt his heart raise for a moment, and his hands went to his head as if his fingers could somehow keep his memories inside it. Kyouma frowned at Subaru, and Subaru let go of his head slowly and he frowned back, “Then why would you say it like that, man?”

“Because I haven’t worked with her for nearly a week, and it’s been awhile since we’ve researched together - it’s just a mind trick I’m using to be completely honest. I was using the framework of discussing the subjects with my _wife_ ,” He said pointedly to Beatrice to make it clear that he was indeed answering her question, “To help remember and work out a deeper understanding of all the content at hand,” He said with a motion to the books around him, “I didn’t realize I was mumbling aloud,” He added with a pointed look at Beatrice, “If it was bothering you, Betty, you could have spoken up.”

“I never said I had a problem with it. I found it adorable, I suppose.” She said with a shrug, “And it kept me from calling out that ‘Marco’ for you to reply with ‘Polo’. I don’t understand half the things that come out of your mouth.”

“You were the one that said I couldn’t just wander completely unknown through the library. That you needed to keep track of me some how! It was just a suggestion.”

Beatrice shrugged, “Indeed. There are some books in here no one can read.”

Okabe frowned, “Well, for now, I’m fine not reading them.”

Subaru watched the tension build between with Kyouma’s unspoken intent that he may one day want to read them, but it also seemed like reluctant tension. He looked down at Beatrice, and he looked back at Kyouma, “Um.”

“As long as you’re not going to try and accidently kill someone with your words,” Kyouma answered without taking his eyes off of Beatrice, “Then I don’t see why we should try and talk somewhere else. I mean, unless someone could sneak in here with the door unwatched. Like Emilia. Or _Roswaal_.”

Beatrice pouted, but Kyouma had a very solid point. He watched as Beatrice took a few steps over, and turned towards the door, “Marco,” She muttered.

“Polo,” Kyouma muttered back.

“Then keep in mind that I can hear whatever you say you two.”

“I did everything the same, but it was completely different, Kyouma.”

“Someone else knows that time is looping or even just changing my actions sent a butterfly effect into play. Maybe that means you won’t die this time.”

Subaru let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, “I’ll keep my eyes and ears peeled for any leads on what might have killed me.”

“Those are words that I wouldn’t expect a human to say so comfortably.” Beatrice commented from the sidelines. Kyouma’s laughter sounded straight out of an ‘80’s movie, and Subaru simply shoved his hands in his pocket, frowned, and looked away from the two of them as they talked about him.

“I mean, I can’t say much. I talked the same way about my wife once. And Mayuri.” Subaru and Beatrice quickly looked at Kyouma as his eyes glossed over in nostalgia.

But he was only lost in the memories for a moment. His smile was as sharp as the man’s behavior. Subaru glanced at Beatrice, and while he didn’t know if he trusted Kyouma he knew she was at the very least intrigued by him, “Those days are long passed. If something were to happen to them now I would not be speaking of the matter with the same air.”

For some reason, Subaru didn’t doubt him, “Roswaal seemed to be the only force to really change his actions,” Subaru told him, “Instructed the twins that I should clean up, and after the bath together Ram said she’d met up with me later in my room..”

A shadow fell over Kyouma’s eyes, “Thanks for the information.” He motioned back to the books around him, “Unless you have anything else from today, I have plenty to read tonight. You shouldn’t keep Ram waiting.”

Subaru nodded, “I’ll be seeing you around then, Kyouma.” He turned to Beatrice, “Beatrice.”

“Yep. Now, out.” Beatrice told him with a sharp motion towards the door.

Subaru felt tears swell in his eyes, “You and your horrible personality never change do they? It is an inspiration to us all.”

Beatrice looked at Kyouma, “Are you sure you too are nothing alike?”

“Not at the moment,” Kyouma answered turning to the books again, “But I only care about going home. He’s found a lady friend around this neck of the woods. You already know he’s a friendly though.”

Subaru felt the heat in his cheeks, and he looked at Beatrice who was giving him another look up and down. She pointed at the door again, “I said leave. Out. You’re useless, I suppose.”

Subaru was a quick lesson the second time, and the wind behind him helped fling him not only out the door, but out the mansion.

* * *

It was the day Subaru died in his sleep. He had a slight reprieve before his session with Ram over his reading and writing of their language, and he used that time to slip off to visit Beatrice - and Kyouma.

He slipped into the library with ease to see Kyouma and Beatrice drinking tea at the table.

“Yes - I need to know about moving matter from one spot to another.” Kyouma’s voice was calm and stable with a patience Subaru had guessed he’d learned working with twin toddlers.

“And I said - I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“He wants to know if you know a way to move me from here,” Subaru motioned with his hands, “To there,” He pointed at the table, “I am matter. Physical stuff. Unlike magicy stuff of concept.”

Kyouma nodded, “Couldn’t have put it better myself.”

Subaru pointed at the door, “Kyouma - she does that with the doors.”

Kyouma blinked, “What are you talking about?”

“This room is never attached to the same door.”

“Yes it is?”

“I have to make it easy for an idiot like you, and I don’t have a bathroom in here,” Beatrice grumbled with a slight look away.

Subaru decided he didn’t have time to take the opening for the joke about the Tsundere having a heart, “Why are you asking about that? Shouldn’t you be -”

“Magic has more time and records invested in the study of it here. I decided it might be quicker to find a way to modify a preexisting model for my purposes rather then trying to pair unknowns to my knowns. The parells for copper and - and I don’t think I’m going to find a lot of wires around here made with the mail ordered equipment Christina designed herself...”

“That makes sense.”

“Christina would have thought of this days ago.”

“Sounds like she’d have to be a genius to out do how well you’re handling this situation.”

“Well, she is one. So she would.”

“You’re being humble.”

Kyouma shook his head and he smiled in honestly awkward way, “Not in the least. What was it you had to say, Subaru? You haven’t visited for days so I presume there’s a reason for coming now?”

“I have a free moment. Roswaal instructed Rem and Ram to instruct me on reading and writing.”

Beatrice chuckled.

“Don’t mind her,” Kyouma said as Subaru opened his mouth, “She mentioned that you couldn’t read when I first got here, and she presumed the same would be true for me.”

“Ah,” Subaru took the hint of an answer and dropped the question, “But other then that, tonight’s the night…”

“Got it.”

“I don’t.” Beatrice interjected.

“I’ll explain when he leaves. Do tell me thought, Betty, do you sense anything different about this boy from all the other ones out there? You can save it for when he leaves the room so you don’t have to worry about offending him.”

“Thank you.” Beatrice took a long sip from her tea and Subaru just stood there in a moment of disbelief at their conversation and casual air about them. She flicked her wrist and a gust of air pushed Subaru out of the library again.

* * *

Okabe turned to Beatrice when the doors slammed shut behind Subaru, “So what do you sense from the boy?”

“Most would be worried when they see another human flying through a window.”

“He didn’t die. We have topics to discuss and not enough time to do so.”

“We have time -”

“The boy is going to die sometime tonight, and as I’m a secret we can’t explain in this world line then I can’t exactly go and watch what happens to him.”

“How do you know he’s going to die then? If you’re not the one behind it, I suppose.”

“Because that’s what he came to tell me about. It’s already happened before. Him dying in this mansion - and it happened tonight.”

“He smells like the witch Satella.”

“Got it. Anything else you can tell me about the boy because of that?”

“He smells more like her now then the first time we met.”

“And that’s before he woke up with the twins in his room, correct?”

“I suppose.”

Okabe nodded. Return by death was connected to the Witch Satella which was bad from what he’d gathered in the vague references to the witch from his studies, “Anything else about the boy?”

“No, I suppose.”

“Since you move around the doors to the library can you connect to other dimensions - other places, worlds completely unlike this one?”

Beatrice raised her eyebrow, “You’re just now asking this?”

Okabe bit his thumb and nodded, “Yeah, I suppose.”

“You’re unpleasant. Don’t you think I’d have pointed you at the book on doing such right away if there was such a thing-”

“Subaru!” Okabe stood up suddenly, “Subaru wasn’t in the accident!” He looked at Beatrice, “Magic must have been what dragged him here! Daru isn’t going to let me live this down. Where can I find the witch Satella? If she dragged him here-”

“You can’t. You don’t.” Beatrice cut him, “She is an insane being, and to met her is death.”

Okabe slid his fist onto the table, “It’s been nearly two weeks, Betty. When he dies again - I’ll have five more days so it will only be 6 for my family, but I need to see them. You don’t understand what I’ve done to keep them safe. They’re my life, Betty.”

Beatrice frowned and she held out her hand, “If you’re certain he’ll die - and that time will be reset because of it - it won’t matter if we go to look for him now will it?”

Okabe rose with Beatrice, and he smiled, “You’re a devious one, aren’t you?”

“Like I would want him dying and making a mess of the castle. Ram and Rem would have to clean up after it. I’m sure at least one of them has taken a shine to him if they’re forced to try and teach someone as thick as he is.”

Okabe patted her head just once before she quickly pulled away from him, “Let’s get going then.”

When they swung the door open Subaru was just stepping out of his room. His hand was plastered over his mouth, and he stumbled in other direction without noticing Okabe and Beatrice.

“That smell,” Beatrice muttered.

Okabe looked in Subaru’s room, “He threw up.”

A few steps later and Subaru stumbled. They watched as Subaru fell, and they couldn’t quite make out his words before he picked himself up and continued wandering down the hallway.

“Why are you holding me back?” Beatrice muttered as Okabe glanced down to see that he was doing exactly that. Okabe swallowed, and his palms had a faint shine in the moonlight.

“I need to know where Roswaal is.”

“Why? Do you think he’s involved?”

“Yes. But I don’t think he’s a part of this.”

“Why?”

“I have a feeling that man wouldn’t be so passive about it...”

“You’re right, I suppose.” Beatrice said with a frown, “Follow me.”

“Isn’t this like betrayal?”

“Are you going to look a gift horse in the mouth? You really are an idiot, I suppose.”

They heard a muffled scream through the ceiling. Both looked up.

Okabe closed his eyes and his hand covered them as he braced for Reading Steiner to kick in, “We’re too late.”


	6. In Which Rem Wears Shoes

At least he got to keep his lab coat this time. Okabe was sitting next to Subaru like all the other times Subaru had returned by death.

A moment later, Subaru was screaming. Okabe didn’t look away. He tried to keep his gaze soft, and he ignored the tense air behind him where the twins were trembling in fear. Subaru grabbed his left arm, and Okabe didn't notice himself mirroring the action, “My left arm!” The boy managed as he realized he was holding something, “I still have it?” Subaru’s left hand went in front of his face and they both watched his trembling hand, “I went back again… No, perhaps I should say I made it back...” Subaru saw the girl’s at the end of the bed, trembling.

“Oh, sorry. Good morning-” The girls he’d known for almost two weeks now, Subaru reached out in an attempt to calm them after realizing his behavior, “Right, I guess you don’t remember me.”

Okabe stood quickly, finger raised in air, “I, Hououin Kyouma, remember you, Subaru- _ kun _ !” Okabe normally used the honorifics, everyone did, but this time he over emphasised it like he did every other action as Hououin Kyouma, “And I have still somehow managed to get sucked into your adventures.”

Subaru roared with laughter and rose himself with a flick of his wrist to pull back the bedsheet so he could stand on the bed. He too had his finger raised to the sky, “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused! Natsuki Subaru will now start over!”

The twins had no idea how to react. So they simply looked at each other.

“By the way - what day and time is it?”

Okabe’s face met his palm, but the twins were quick to answer.

* * *

Both Okabe and Beatrice sat in the middle of the room as Subaru passed in circles about them.

Okabe had simply asked after what had happened, and now he was wishing he’d kept the ibuprofen in his lab coat a secret from Kurisu. He was too old for the young man’s constant movement.

He was twenty five. So maybe not, but as a father he could grumble about whatever he wanted to grumble about.

“It’s my third first day at the Roswaal mansion. That chill I felt - That does mean I died in my sleep the first time due to physical weakness?”

“I don’t know if I’d use that term, but point made,” Okabe commented.

“But the second time, there  _ was _ an attacker. So if I was killed, does that mean the others in the manor are targets, too? Because we’re involved in Emilia’s royal selection, like at the loot house?”

Okabe had a gnawing feeling of distrust towards Roswaal, but that was something that hardly had any evidence. He’d only a been a good host to Subaru from what he was aware of, “Well, we don’t have any other ideas to float around.”

“But even if I know that, I have no proof to explain it or any way to avoid it. Worse yet,” Subaru added, “I didn’t see the attacker’s face, or their prey.”

“They didn’t go after Betty before they went after you,” Okabe commented but both of them knew that hardly meant a thing.

Other then raising an eyebrow from Beatrice who listening in on their conversation.

“My death was totally in vain,” Subaru closed his comments off as he continued pacing around the other two occupants, “We learned nothing.”

“You’re irritating me to death,” Beatrice finally spoke for the both of them, “Either stop it or be blown away.”

“Oh?” Subaru stopped, and his the air around him felt like a bubble had popped, “Sorry. But somehow walking in circles also turns the gears in my head.”

“First I’ve seen of both,” Okabe grumbled, “I’ll buy it.”

“Cut me some slack, huh?” Subaru smiled at Beatrice, ignoring Okabe, “We’re tight, aren’t we?”

“Exactly what sort of relationship do you think we have, I suppose?” Beatrice looked at both of them as she curled her hair around her finger, “We’ve only met twice,” She pointed at Okabe, “And I’ve never seen you before.”

Okabe slammed his palms on the table between them. The action cut Subaru off, “I have spent two weeks in this library with you, Betty.” He jabbed a finger at her, “And I need to read about Satella.” His finger shifted to Subaru, “You were listening - and I know you can smell it on him.”

“Smell what?” Subaru pulled his collar up to his nose and sniffed, “It’s not that bad-”

“You don’t know?” Beatrice stood up and walked over to Subaru looked him up and down once and then she turned to Okabe, “These are the rarest books in the kingdom, and there are tomes in here no one should read, I suppose. I am in charge of protecting them - why should I let you read them?”

“I need to find the person that enchanted him - or whatever they did to bring Subaru here. I need them to send me home.”

“Home?”

“I have a wife and twins I need to get back to, Betty. Please. I need the assistance.”

“Three rows over,” Beatrice answered before meeting Okabe’s eyes.

Okabe jumped in the air, “You’re the best, Betty.” He told her before heading over three rows.

His eyes scanned the bindings but he stopped when he heard Subaru’s voice, “Is there any magic that weakens and kills someone, as if putting them to sleep?”

“If I must answer, then yes, there is.” Okabe could barely hear her gentle steps as she pulled a book off of a shelf that Okabe had already read.

It hadn’t proven relevant to his interests - so he’d forgotten about it.

He hadn’t even thought about the curses and shamans when Subaru had described his death to him. He hadn’t cared in more then a sympathetic way. His wedding band caught his attention with the light shining off of it.

What would Kurisu say if she was here? If she had seen him acting so dispassionately towards a teenager’s death? Repeated death?

If their shoes had been exchanged - if it was her here instead of Okabe - she would have been horrified by the notion of what Subaru was going through.

She would have sympathized with the boy and then glanced at Okabe knowing that he was so much closer to understanding where the boy was coming from - trying to fight fate, reliving moments, carrying memories that no one else carried with him.

A year after he’d given her lab member pin, she’d moved back from America to study in Tokyo. Her apartment had been close to the lab so she was constantly there.

And then she’d proven that she’d had the same unnerving streak of stubborn he had.

Over the years, she’d come to learn everything. He told her _every_ moment.

And here he was - so worried about getting home to her that he hadn’t even heard the boy.

He didn’t know who Subaru was - other then that he’d fallen so head over heels with Emilia that he’d taken this new life and forgotten about the one he’d had before.

“You mean that mana drain you did against my will could actually kill me?” The boy’s shouting jolted him from his thoughts.

Perhaps, Okabe realized, Subaru has more of a story then he’d heard and pieced together.

He pulled a book off the shelf, and he went back to his research.

“Mana is also one’s very life force,” Okabe heard Beatrice explain in the background, and he slid to the floor giving the other two privacy to continue their conversation on the subject.

Okabe sighed as he heard Subaru scream with a gush of air guiding him out the door.

There was a soft patter of feet and Okabe didn’t look up, “Please don’t take me away from the books,” He muttered as his knuckles turned white.

“How old are your twins?”

“Five. Almost. I think. They turn five tomorrow.”

“How did you get here?”

“Lab mishap.”

“Lab?”

“You’re not going to understand half of what I say.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“It’s what you’ve told me a hundred times.”

“I’ve never seen you before.”

“Catch.” Okabe pulled out his phone, the old one from his D-Mail days although both were back in his pockets, he’d double checked earlier while Subaru had lead them to the library, and he threw his phone towards Beatrice.

Beatrice caught it and stared at it, “What is this?”

“From my homeland. I can call a person on the other side of the planet with it - to the farthest reaches of the kingdom with it.”

“It doesn’t look like it can do much.”

“That one is actually dead. But once upon a time - it sent messages to the past. I brought a man back from the dead, changed the gender of another, and I - I sometimes took over the world because of it and the pain it brought.”

Beatrice held the phone back to Okabe, “You like to talk nonsense, I suppose.”

Okabe smiled and he looked up at her, “Please," He put his hand on the books in front of him, "Can I?”

“For as long as Roswaal isn’t here. He’s the only one that can give you permission to stay here past that. Got it?”

“Thank you.”

Beatrice huffed in step with her Tsundere behavior. Okabe had grown a fond affection for it. It was a reminder of the ones at home - the ones his heart missed.

* * *

 

This time Okabe joined them for the lunch with Roswaal by following after Beatrice, and he let Subaru follow through all the actions he’d performed before. This time Roswaal paid him no mind.

Everything was the same except Beatrice mentioned wanted to keep Okabe in the Library as she was interested in the many things he rambled about about his home country, and much to Okabe’s surprise Subaru requested to stay as a guest at the mansion instead of asking for a job.

Ram yawned, instead of sneezing, and Okabe knew something was going to be absolutely dreadful as he caught the yawn in the air. Life with a time loop in was never suppose to be boring after all.

It was the day of again.

This time Okabe had also taken to asking Beatrice about Roswaal as he felt a deeper gnaw in his stomach. He needed to follow up on the points that the boy might be missing.

And, He’d come to the conclusion that the man was skilled enough to push a candidate for Kingship of Lugunica, and that perhaps their staff might be able to handle any problems that come up.

So why had Subaru died?

Okabe took a deep breath as he braced for Subaru’s visit, he wasn’t looking forward to what he’d decided to do, and the door opened as if that breath was a summons. “Ho, Kyouma!” Subaru said as he eased the door shut behind him, “I’ve decided since someone is going to attack the castle that I’m going to stage a stake out and I was wondering if-”

“Have fun,” Okabe answered, “I’ll stay here-”

“So you can keep reading?” Subaru’s tone did nothing to hide his displeasure, “The mansion is going to be attacked and you think-”

“I have my priorities,” Okabe answered. Beatrice knew Okabe’s plan - he was going on a stake out as well - and she watched as he lied to Subaru, “It not like dying matters -”

Subaru’s fists were shaking, “Doesn’t matter?  _ Doesn’t matter _ ? You might think you’re immortal-”

“You only have so much daylight, shouldn’t you be getting ready to-?” 

Subaru spat at Okabe. 

Okabe stopped talking for just one moment, “If you want to punch me as well - I won’t dodge.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Subaru pointed, and his jaw tight.

“I think I just did.”

“No fighting in my library,” Beatrice interrupted. She looked at Okabe confused, but she didn’t unravel his lie, “Now, shoo,” She motioned for Subaru to leave, “If you’re not going to punch him then you might as well leave.”

Subaru sneered at them, “I hope you’re happy you’ll be responsible for what happens next.”

Okabe stared at Subaru, “It would hardly be the worst thing I’ve been apart of.”

They, Beatrice and Okabe, both flinched as the door slammed shut behind Subaru.

Subaru was going to go off to ask for supplies for a trip. He was going to disguise his stake out for leaving.

Okabe knew this. He knew he had his own bag stashed around the corner that Beatrice had helped him ready.

“What was that?” Beatrice asked as Okabe grabbed his lab coat off from the back of his chair.

“He’s wrong.” Okabe answered simply, “But I’d rather avert the problem from him then have him find out what actually happened. Even if  - Even if I end up dying in the process.”

“That sounded like fear,” Beatrice replied as she snagged the hidden bag. She tossed it to Okabe. It wasn’t much. Just notes to go over and an apple. Okabe caught it with ease.

“That’s because it was, Betty. I’m not an idiot, and I don’t like messing with things that I don’t understand, even if that is the summary of my life in a singular sentence.”

“What do you think will happen?”

“I’m going to confirm it first, and if I’m wrong then I’ll apologize to the boy in my next life. It’s nothing for you to worry about though, Betty. See you later, Space Cowboy.”

The door swung shut behind Okabe as he raced to beat Subaru to entrance of the manor.

* * *

He hid in the bushes as Subaru marched off, determined to protect Emilia from who ever the foul soul was that thought they could attack the mansion and get through him to get to her.

Okabe sighed as the boy disappeared from the path, veering off, Okabe was certain, to find a perch where he could watch the mansion.

That was when Okabe stood up and sat down near where the boy had vanished from the path into the forest. He  _ hoped _ he wouldn’t have to intercept anyone.

* * *

Hours passed. Sunlight turned to dusk, and Okabe was stretching when he rolled suddenly.

Running from the Rounders for as long as he had had left an imprint in his bones, and he spun around to look at Rem standing in the middle of the road with her chain and ball.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t see you here,” He muttered, “Why?” He asked a little bit louder with a little bit more confidence.

She stared at him, and she attacked again.

“You know - I’ve never heard him say a bad thing about you, or your sister,” He shouted in response.

In exchange she tried again, and he found himself rolling closer to her in his attempt to dodge.

He knew that was a bad idea, but he wasn’t a fighter. She spun her leg at him and it landed squarely on his chin. It sent him flying out of her reach for a follow up. He kept rolling for a moment to buy just a few moments of time.

He hadn’t thought ahead. He thought he’d be able to talk to who ever had shown up - he had been hoping for Ram. His fingers dug into this pockets, and he pulled out lint and a lego.

He threw the lego at her weakly.

It bounced off of her skirt, and she stared at it for a moment waiting for something to happen, “What was that?” She finally asked. She looked up at him, and he was surprised that she waited for him to answer before swinging her ball and chain at him again.

“A lego,” He answered honestly, “It hurts when you step on it - if you’re not wearing shoes.”

Which he never did at home.

Rem was wearing shoes.

“And you think that’s how you’ll defend your life?”

“I am not trying to do that.” He answered with a shrug, “Hououin Kyouma - He knows the hell that it is go through a life without those around you remembering the actions spent together.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Did Roswaal tell you to kill Subaru?”

“The ideal situation would have been to finish this without anyone noticing,” She answered.

“That’s not answer.” Okabe commented.

“Does it matter if I tell a dead man? I’ll get my answers from the one that smells like the witch.”

She swung again, and this time Okabe wasn’t able to dodge it completely as he stumbled backwards. There was a sharp burning sensation in his shoulder as he watched the chain slide under his arm before flying upwards.

He looked over his shoulder and he saw his left arm that had thrown the lego so pitifully laying a stone’s throw away from him now.

He screamed. It was more out of shock then actual pain. His hand clutched at the stump he had left in a weak attempt to slow his blood loss, “Is that the worst you have?” He muttered as he turned towards Rem, “I know I never spent time with you, but really? Can’t you show me better then this?” The chain lashed out and Okabe barely dodged the strike at his head as he rolled away, “How can you act without Roswaal’s permission?”

“If something seems suspicious - it’s the maid’s job to handle it.”

“Ah. He never really did manage not to act like a spy then, huh?”

“You were hardly any better.” She quickly remarked, “I looked for you in the mansion first. Beatrice wouldn’t tell me where you’d gone.”

Okabe stopped. Everything stopped. The only thing that didn’t stop was the blood racing out from his stump. 

He stared at Rem. 

“Rem - What did you do to Beatrice?”

“If it is suspicious - It’s the maid’s job to handle it.”

Okabe watched as her ball and chain closed the gap between them again. He didn’t dodge.

* * *

 


	7. Departures and Arrivals Are Both A Way of Getting Places - Only One Of Those is Far Less Like Pulling Off a Band Aid Though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh - This is a very long chapter. It flows well as one chapter - could have broken it up into two, but I'm starting a new job on monday - so I don't know when I'll be able to edit/post the next bit of this story (Well, honestly, balancing all of the others). So I hope this is a good spot to leave it/ya hanging on for now... I apologize in advance. 
> 
> ~El Psy Congroo~

* * *

Okabe’s hands were trembling as he stared at Subaru sleeping beside him.

He looked like a child, and only Okabe knew he’d be waking up from a nightmare.

He looked over at the twins, and he smiled at them, “I just suddenly appeared, didn’t I?”

They nodded.

“Do you think I could have a moment with my master? I am only summoned in his utter distress,” Subaru’s eyes opened, and he looked around slowly.

“It won’t be pretty when he wakes from his nightmare.” He informed them.

“Nightmare?” Rem muttered. Okabe rolled his eyes. _Of course she’d be the one concerned._ Of course she’d be the reason why they lingered as Subaru sat up. Of course she’d be the reason Subaru saw his killer with such innocent, concerned eyes looking at him a moment after-

Subaru’s breath was harsh for a moment as he tried to process seeing Rem again. It was a moment, a horrifying moment to Okabe, before Subaru’s screams echoed in the room, “Please!” Okabe hissed. He motioned to push them away and they gladly did as instructed.

Okabe turned to Subaru as his hands went to his neck. His eyes lingered where Rem had left.

Okabe had been ready to grab the boy, pull him close, and help him calm down, show him support, but there was a look in Subaru’s eyes that knew that if he, Hououin Kyouma, were to do that - it would not be a help. They barely knew each other even after nearly three weeks together.

So he stood up, and he closed the door behind the fleeing maids.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Okabe asked. He turned to Subaru who was staring at the man he knew only Kyouma.

“I heard your screams. _I thought you were staying in the mansion_.”

“I lied.” Okabe answered simply.

“Why would you do that?” Subaru’s mouth didn’t close, and Okabe let his gears slowly spin around in the middle of his thought, “You knew, didn’t you?”

“I suspected.” Okabe admitted, “I knew you were getting close to the girls here. I wanted to be wrong.”

Subaru looked away from Okabe, “Well, you weren’t.”

“... Did you see what she did to me then?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not the first time, Kyouma.”

Okabe ran his fingers through his hair, “I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t just you.”

“You’ve died nearly seven times,” Okabe hissed, “I would hope they weren’t always alone.”

“I-”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have put it that way,” Okabe quickly corrected himself, “I’m still sorry you have to go through this.”

They sat there in silence for a moment, respecting the weight in the room, the weight on Subaru. It was a moment to breathe. A chance to let everything settle in, to become a new normal, a friend whose quirks you have learned to account for.

“What did you have to go through?” Subaru asked once he was ready to move on for at least a moment into the future.

“Huh?” Okabe had missed it, lost in the silence.

“I said, what did you have to go through? Before this. I mean, What’s your story?”

“Oh,” Okabe swallowed. What to say? That he went to a world line where he ate kebabs with the woman that had repeatedly murdered him and his friends - His now wife? His hostage, now godmother to his children and their hostage as well? That he had a hostage still? That he once repeatedly got arrested in America for being a stupid Kyouma as a tourist there? That he had caused WWIII? “Uh.” Was all he could manage in a reasonable amount of time to answer Subaru’s question.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“No, no, no - There’s just so much,” Okabe quickly interrupted, “I invented time travel - and there were a lot of close call scenarios. I was a kid, and I fooled around with time without regard to what I was actually doing to it. It was dangerous. I watched them die. I let them die. I made them die. I almost died - so many times.”

“Convergence point kept you lucky then…”

“No. I mean, in the way you mean, yes, but I learned what they were the hard way and it was long after I started my chain of mistakes.” Okabe answered.

There was a knock on the door, “Subaru?” Emilia’s voice was muffled by the wood.

Subaru’s eyes glazed over again at the thought of facing a world that was mocking him.

“Should I let her in?” Okabe whispered.

Subaru swallowed, and Okabe took that as a yes. If nothing else, He knew how much seeing Kurisu had meant to him when he was drowning in his attempts to save Mayuri.

He hoped it would prove to be the same encouragement to Subaru.

Emilia stared at Okabe before glancing at Subaru. The ghosts in his eyes were clear, but Emilia only could think of horrors from the night before - and the one which meant Subaru’s near death at the hands of Elsa.

And, Okabe could see it on her face, she thought it was reasonable that nearly dying in such a way could be cause for the fear in Subaru’s eyes. And - Perhaps - Okabe would have agreed with the sediment - but only with someone less resilient then the boys in the room.

She put a hand on Okabe’s elbow, “I hear you come to Subaru when he’s in need?”

She must have passed the twins on the way here.

“His nightmare of how poorly it really could have gone with Elsa is what brought me here, yes. Walking home seems less then ideal at the moment though,” He glanced over at Subaru and back at Emilia, “Do you want me to stay here? Or is there somewhere else you want me to go?”

“Right outside the door should be fine,” She whispered with a subtle smile, “I shouldn’t be long.”

Okabe nodded and he slid out of the room. Emilia closed the door behind him.

It was a handful of minutes. Emilia was right about not being long, but the look on her face when she stood beside Okabe was not something either had expected.

“What happened?” Okabe whispered softly as he put a hand on her shoulder.

Emilia looked up to Okabe, “Why would he tell me to have nothing to do with him?”

Okabe’s eyes slowly grew wider with realization, “What exactly happened in there, Emilia?”

“I asked if he was okay - he said he had something to tell me -  he started to talk - he stopped suddenly - he started shivering - and then he told me to have nothing to do with him.”

Okabe felt Hououin Kyouma take over, the laughter of a mad scientist rang in his ears, “The voice of young love often does not know what to do with itself!” His voice painfully flamboyant even to himself. He nodded sharply, “The boy has been through a lot, I suppose,” He’d accidently picked that mannerism up in the last two weeks with Beatrice whenever he was in the character of the name he claimed to be, “I’ll talk with him, Emilia.” His hand slide down to her elbow, “But I am curious. What are you to him, I suppose?”

“I - I just met him,” Emilia stammered, “He risked his life for me - but I just met him last night during the fight with Elsa.”

Okabe swallowed. He completely understood what Subaru was going through at this point.

“Do you know? He was looking for me earlier according to Reinhard.”

Reinhard - that was a name he’d read more then once in the history books. With multiple first names attached to it, “If he can’t tell you then I should probably get his permission before I do. You understand, right?”

Emilia nodded, “Absolutely. I appreciate your loyalty to him.”

“I do support your bid for the throne, Emilia. He just has more loyalty-”

Emilia’s cheeks burnt red, “That - That wasn’t what I meant! I meant it honestly.”

Okabe’s grin grew three sizes in typical Hououin Kyouma fashion, “Then that means I’m right in hoping you become king.” Emilia’s hand went to her mouth and she looked away in the unabashed support he was giving her. He knew why she wasn’t use to strangers giving her such, “Now, if you don’t mind me. I should check on Subaru.”

“Absolutely. Of course.” She answered sliding out of the way, “I’ll be sending Beatrice over some time to make sure it’s not a complication from his recovery.”

“What happened?” He asked because he _shouldn’t have known_ not because he’d actually managed to be with Beatrice for the last two weeks without finding out _why_ Subaru was here and getting such nice - mostly nice - treatment.

“He was nearly disemboweled,” Emilia left that haunted tone in the air.

Okabe watched as she walked away, and he only hoped it wasn’t because she was taking Subaru’s advice to heart.

She was Subaru’s Kurisu, and that was hitting a little closer to home then Okabe carried to admit.

Okabe slide inside the room again, closed the door behind him.

“What if I die again?” Subaru muttered, “I only died three times in the capitol. What if it’s like stages in a video game? I only get so many lives to use between checkpoints?”

“Why did you tell Emilia to leave you alone?” Okabe skipped the easy jab about how he should probably not die this time as well then because clearly after his own first death in this world he was more connected to this checkpoint system Subaru was rambling about then anything else here.

“I tried to tell her.”

“Subaru.”

“A hand seized my chest. I _really_ can’t tell anyone…”

“That doesn’t explain -”

“Where’s the hand from? You said earlier that I smell like the _Witch of Envy? Satella?_ I can’t let her get close if I want to keep her _safe_.”

“And you think you can if you end up insane instead?”

“I won’t-”

“That’s what I use to tell myself while trying to carry everything on my own.”

“Kyouma?”

“I had a system that could send text messages into the past, that changed the future,” Okabe answered, going back to the story he had started earlier. “I had seen Christina die. That was how I met my wife - she had interrupted me interrupting her father’s seminar on time travel. We had apparently previously spoken - and I had no recollection of it. So I ran - I was your age she beautiful and she’d published papers in the scientific fields. I lived in a lab that had a water gun we’d turned into a remote.

“After that - I heard... a scream - and I found her lying in a pool of blood - in a closet, alone, dead or dying.” He said with a wave of his hand. He still found all of it so hard to believe - what had set it up, and what had followed,  “I texted my friend about what I’d seen, and then my Reading Steiner activated. I moved world lines.

“In the new one - There was a convergence point - and it was the death of my childhood friend.

“Subaru, I jumped, and I jumped and I jumped and I jumped. I tried everything to save her, to try and break fate in that Beta world line. And, I never told anyone, even though unlike you I had no reason not to tell them - Suzaha was even from the future and I didn’t tell her what I was doing. Eventually- I was just jumping to see what would happen. It was like scrubbing a VN for every possible route. Cold, robotic, analytical.”

“With your best friend’s life?”

“Yes.”

“That is sort of sick, Kyouma...”

“I almost stopped. After I found she was having nightmares from all of the deaths I’d given her.” Subaru stared at Okabe, and the horror on the boy’s face matched the tired shame on Okabe’s, “Everyone remembers just a little bit from all of the other world lines. I didn’t undo them. I changed them into different world lines. Christina is still dead, world war III is still happening somewhere out there- I’m the dictator of Japan still in another. I didn’t change what happened.

“I just couldn’t watch so I fought and managed to find a world line where I had both Christina and Mayuri - breathing and alive. I found Stein’s Gate - my ideal world line.”

“You broke time - so you could save your friend and your lover? So you could keep both of them in your life?”

Okabe shook his head, “I never thought I’d see Christina again. She wouldn’t remember all the times, the small moments that had drawn us so close anyways. So I let her go. It’s a big world after all. But she was breathing. She was alive.”

He had only made her a lab member pin because he’d remembered, and he still loved her - he wanted her to know that she’d always have a lab to go to.

“But she’s your wife now isn’t she?”

Okabe had a small resident of a smile on his face, “I suppose you’re right then. I did all of that just so I could keep them in my life. But I guess that just proves that it can be very small, very stubborn world even despite our best efforts. Not that I can really complain. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the fact that she is a very, very stubborn woman when it comes to things she doesn’t understand - namely her emotions and myself and my story with world lines and time travel. I still don’t know who is the bigger tsundere - Christina and Beatrice.”

“What?” Beatrice interrupted.

Both of the time travellers jumped, “Learn how to knock!” Subaru shouted at her in shock. His own hands were going to his mouth. He’d been able to talk about dying to Okabe after the first time - without the hand or the magic fog appearing, but he after the experience with Emilia they both knew it was without a doubt something completely unique to Okabe.

“Since you were acting strangely, they suspected that I might have done something to you the first time you woke up, I suppose. Talk about rude! I can’t leave until I correct that notion,” She glanced at Okabe, “But there is nothing I can do about Insanity.”

Okabe put his hand on his chin and you looked at Beatrice like he had an entire deck of cards up his sleeve, “Oh? You don’t believe me?”

“Of course not. I don’t understand a single word out of your mouth.”

“When did you invite yourself in?”

“When you didn’t hear me knock, I suppose.”

“Oh, So our librarian rushed in suspecting something ill for young Subaru and myself - only to find us find and chatting of the impossibilities that haunt an old men?”

“You’re an idiot. I know Bubby and the brat like the boy.”

“And so do you for some unknown reason,” Okabe pulled the old, dead phone up to his ear, and he nodded, “Um. The organization seems to -”

Beatriced sniffed Okabe’s sleeve, and she put her hand on his chest. He stopped his act.

A moment later - he screamed as felt something important being torn from his bones.

* * *

 

Subaru didn’t watch the girl stumble back as her face was flooded with emotion.

He was watching the phone tumble to the ground.

Kyouma’s chair was empty.

“What?” Beatrice turned to Subaru, but he could barely hear her, “Who was he?” Her voice was just as cold and distant as it always sounded.

“Please leave,” Subaru whispered, “Just please. Go.”

Beatrice was shaking but Subaru couldn’t see that. His hands started to shake again. His imagination replayed the black hands curling around his heart as he’d tried to tell Emilia about his secret and the truth behind Kyouma.

He was alone.

He pulled the blanket over his face, and he didn’t move. He didn’t hear Emilia’s gentle whispers.

He kept his hands under the blanket and he hid his face in his pillow whenever someone entered the room.

“Do you think - Do you think Hououin Kyouma - was a part of the boy?” He heard Beatrice mutter from his bedside, “He’s been missing apart of him, I suppose since - Since I-”

He heard a gentle patter of steps walk away - “No,” He whispered. He pulled back the blanket and he looked at Beatrice, “Please don’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be alone. Please - if you feel any pity - any remorse - please stay by my side and keep me safe. At least until the fifth morning.”

If he could make it to then - he could run away. Emilia would be safer without him.

Everyone would be.

Beatrice seemed to float over to his side, but he knew it was only because he couldn’t see her feet. She held out her hand, “Hand,” She told him.

He didn’t move. It hurt to move.

She frowned, tore back the blanket, and she grabbed his hand. She closed her eyes. Reluctant, Subaru supposed, “I shall grant your wish,” She told him, “I, Beatrice, on my honor, am henceforth bound by this contract. Temporary or not, a contract is a contract. I’ll grant your nonsense favor, but we’re going to be buddies in the library - Got it? I can’t stand your stench in here.”

Subaru would have chuckled if his the muscles in his face didn’t hurt at the thought of it, “Sounds fair to me.”

Beatrice nodded, “Do you need to keep resting in here for now?”

Subaru shook his head, “No. I don’t want to sleep.” His hands were starting to shine at the thought of what those dreams would hold. He had a lot of material he could draw from.

“Let me tell the brat and Bubby-”

“No. I don’t want them to know.”

“That you’re okay?”

“That they can see me. They can see me if I’m okay. Please, you can see them, but please lie. Tell them I have to stay in the library beside you while you’re keeping an eye on my recovery.”

“That hardly seems like a lie, I suppose.”

Subaru’s laughter was a broken, shattered mockery of the laughter Emilia, Beatrice, Ram - even Rem - had heard come from him before. It was a shame Beatrice only had the memory of this one pouring from his lips, gaining in volume as he struggled to get it back under control.

All he could feel was a black fog in his head, his gears going at speeds that flung him off of the merry go round they’d become.

Eventually - He grasped for air.

“Tsk,” Beatrice’s voice he heard.

He didn’t feel her hand on his chest again.

He smiled when the merry go round stopped. When he felt everything drain from him. His mana gone - and he could sleep dreamlessly, away from the chance of seeing Emilia’s smile and knowing that he could only hurt it.

* * *

 

Okabe opened his eyes, gently they fluttered open. He saw Mayuri sitting beside him in what was clearly a hospital room. He looked down, and he saw the cords. He looked over, and he saw the monitors. He looked back to Mayuri, and he saw only relief.

“Kurisu!” Mayuri sang out.

That was when he noticed the shouting, or rather the lack of it. The door flung open, and Kurisu was staring at Okabe. Her hand went to her chest, “You idiot! If you’d held onto my hand we both would have made it out of the -”

“Kurisu,” Okabe’s voice cracked, and he realized how stiff his throat was, “Today is?”

Kurisu stopped, “You’ve been out for nearly a day so far, Okabe.”

“I was here?” He whispered. He closed his eyes. He thought back to Subaru - Was it all a dream? He laughed weakly.

It was something his imagination would think up.

“What is it, Okabe?”

“I thought it was something else.”

“What do you mean?”

He winked at Kurisu, “I thought I was gone.” So he closed his eyes, relaxed again, but it wasn’t what he had expected.

His eyes opened quickly, and he stared at Kurisu. His lung grabbing furiously for the air closest to his mouth, “Kurisu,” He gasped. He reached out for her hand, “Christina.”

She eagerly took his hand, “What’s wrong, Okabe?”

He squeezed her hand tightly, “Don’t let go. Please.” He had felt those hands. The black fingers that once crushed his heart. The moment he’d closed his eyes they’d come back to drag him back. He pulled her hand up to his face, and he looked up at her face. His hand brushed through her hair before resting on her chin. She leaned closer, aiming for Okabe’s lips, but he rested his forehead on hers, “You remember the time leaps?”

“I always know when you have that look in your eyes. What’s going on, Okabe?”

“16 days,” Okabe answered, “I’ve lived through 16 days without you.”

“How? Time leap-?”

Okabe shook his head, “I don’t know how. All I’ve done is try to figure that out myself.” He answered, “But I also know I wasn’t in any of our world lines.” Okabe smirked, “There was magic and an evil witch.”

“So you’re telling me your bad sci fi novel of an experience wasn’t enough for you? Your groundhog day experience has now shifted to that of being sucked into an MMO setting?”

“Still a groundhog day scenario - apparently some things never change. Whenever Subaru dies the world resets for him. Moves on the timeline though - it’s a horrible checkpoint system he has.”

“Oh, Okabe.”

“When I closed my eyes I felt it dragging me back. I don’t want to go back.” He pulled her close, and they kissed. He couldn’t do everything he’d dreamt of doing to her, with her, in the last two weeks, but he was hardly settling with this.

He wanted to close his eyes, to just feel her, but he could not risk it.

“I think he’s going to hit another checkpoint soon.” Okabe told her when they took a breath for air, “And I think I only get to wake up on the corresponding point on this timeline. It’s currently set at a day into his adventure-”

“So you woke up a day after the accident.” Kurisu nodded.

“And the next checkpoint is going to be at least five days from now.”

Kurisu pulled Okabe back to her lips. She had missed it as well. Twins were old enough to moan whenever Okabe had given her so much more then simple kiss on her cheek.

And she was as much of a pervert as the rest of the lab members. Except Mayuri. Kurisu still had to keep Daru from having her stay the stupid lines he’d have her coo back in their college days.

They took another break, “After you were declared in a stable condition Daru rushed to Yuki’s side. He was muttering something about life being short.”

“Finally,” Okabe groaned, “Never thought we’d actually get to Suzuha without a time machine.”

Kurisu smirked, and she pulled Okabe back up to her lips.

He was exhausted, and he closed his eyes as he kissed her. The black fingers worked quicker then he could realize his mistake. Okabe could hear Kurisu’s screams as he felt a pain in his bones - like he was losing something important.

* * *

 

It was the last day - Subaru had made it to morning.

Then Beatrice was summoned from the library, and she left him behind in the room filled with books. Subaru thought he heard a faint laugh - Kyouma’s.

But it was just a faint memory. Kyouma hadn’t come back. Much like the first time he’d died in Subaru’s arms.

He rushed for the door, entered the hallway, and turned. Emilia was standing there. She was staring at him, “Oh,” She said.

Subaru smiled faintly. She had forgotten about him. It was hardly surprising as he’d hidden himself away from her. She put her hands on her hips, “What do you know about Rem?” She asked.

This caught him off guard, “What are you talking about?”

She grabbed his wrist, and his cheeks turned red despite him knowing better then to let that happen. She started pulling him along behind her.

She didn’t talk, but she lead him. He didn’t break the silence.

He heard the gentle sobs before he saw the door. Emilia took a step inside, and he couldn’t see where she’d gone.

Subaru took a deep breath before turning to see the still form on the bed, and the mess beside it.

No - Rem had been the Shaman. She shouldn’t - couldn’t have -

“What do you know about Rem?” Emilia’s cold voice repeated her question from earlier.

“What happened?” Subaru asked. He took a step forward towards Rem. It was more of a stumble. It carried him closer to Rem then he’d anticipated.

She was going to cut his hair.

_She was his friend before she was his killer._

And now she-

He reached out for her.

He felt a sharp slap.

“Don’t you touch my little sister!” Ram screamed at the man who had become a stranger.

Subaru quickly withdraw, scuttled backwards. He stood beside Roswaal as he stared at the impossibly painful scene in front of him.

How?

_How?_

They were asking him questions. He knew it, but his attention was only on Rem’s still face.

There was a hand on his shoulder. He jumped. He turned and he sawed Emilia’s concerned face.

He glanced down at Beatrice. She didn’t know. He couldn’t tell her, but he was certain she’d heard enough of Okabe’s ramblings to put two and two together. She knew why he was so shocked and horrified to see Rem like this.

But to Emilia -

“If you know any about Rem-”

Subaru stared at Emilia, and he opened his mouth to answer. He wanted her trust. He didn’t think he could have broken this so much as to lose her hope in him.

_-We should go to the town together-_

But as the moment of temptation landed, so did the black fingers.

So did the fear. It wrapped around his chest, and his hand grabbed the fabric above his heart. He shook his head.

He couldn’t even say that he couldn’t. He wouldn’t do anything to risk her smile. Not even if he’d never see it again.

Now he knew how Kyouma felt. How he could do those horrible things.

But he wasn’t a bad person like Kyouma. Kyouma had to be one if he had the potential to become a dictator.

A sharp whistle scraped his cheek.

It was the same way Rem had cut off -

He turned slowly towards Ram who was now slowly coming to stand up, “If you know anything - Spill it!”

“Wait, Ram- !”

He could see the wind as it headed his way. The echo of an unhealed wound reminded him he knew how this death would feel.

Beatrice defused it, “I keep my promises. As long as he remains in this mansion, I am contracter to protect him, I suppose.”

“Beatrice-sama?” Ram sputtered in surprise.

“Roswaal,” Beatrice turned her head to look up at the lord of the manor, “He has been under my care and constant supervision over these last few days. So he surely has nothing to do with -”

“There is no need to emphasize the situation at hand,” He answered her with a raise of hands, and that was the first time Subaru saw Roswaal use his magic. Some may have been horrified at the clown looking man summoning glowing juggling balls that floated in the sphere of white light, but that had nothing to do on his choice of words, “However, to guard him with your life,” Subaru didn’t move, but he wanted to run.

He didn’t want to cause her death a second time.

“You must have taken quite the liking to him.”

“Save the jokes for your makeup and weird fetishes, I suppose,” Beatrice answered in glowing, menacing kind. Her face hardly a gate of emotion, but her folded arms were a clear path to showing her lack of any feeling about this situation.

“None of that even matters!” Ram interrupted, “Get out of the way. Let me through. I must avenge Rem. If you know anything, tell me. Help me,” Her tears ran down her face, and those were the only things that Subaru could see with Ram’s pink crystal eyes, “Help Rem!”

Subaru’s imagination was too wild for him. He could still feel those fingers trying to crush his heart - the fear was there. There was nothing he could say. He knew if he did - those fingers would wrap themselves around every heart in that room.

After all, Those fingers had only claimed Kyouma once.

But, Subaru wasn’t thick. He knew how little Ram thought of him, but with his overactive imagination he could still feel the nicks on his hands. He could hear both sisters laughing and mocking him in a light air over his comedic incompetence at everything he tried.

Except sewing. He got to show of that skill - but only once.

Ram raised her hand as he tried to figure out how to handle this very precarious situation.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered.

Emilia turned to grab him, and he stared at her hand as he found his body deciding to do the one thing he had decided on.

He was going to live. So as he turned, he decided to look Emilia’s face - he was expecting to see a seal of disappointment in him.

Instead what he had seen was Emilia’s unsmiling face with streaks of tears down her face.

And then the explosions occurred as he managed to stumble through the door frame and down the hallway. He tried to cover his ears. His eyes were closed even though he knew he shouldn’t know the mansion as well as he did.

“I’m going to kill you,” Ram’s voice made it through his hands.

A moment later, Subaru opened his eyes, and he just kept running.

He ran, and he ran away from hopefully all of his problems - the faces from friends, ghosts from a past only he could remember. He could never go back there.

And that thought tripped him. Because he didn’t even want to return from death back there again. It would be best if he just stayed dead.

“What choice did I have?” Subaru muttered as he tried to appease his lungs, “What could I… And I was having so much fun!” He screamed as he struggled to find his footing. It took a moment, but he did. Weakly, he kept stumbling away from the manor, screaming in the woods where he was traveling alone.

A moment of determination sent him running again, and he found himself in an opening that was far more familiar then was right. The last time he’d been here it had been night, and now it was day. Everything looked different with sunlight.

Except for where he’d died.

It was just as dark as the time he’d spent there with Rem.

“Where I died?” He stopped running, and he stood there, in the middle of the clearing, “If I die…” Will I be saved from this whole situation? “Of course if I die everything will change.” He might be out of tried in this stage of the game.

It would all be over.

And even if it wasn’t a hell that would let him go - at least his last memory of Rem wouldn’t be her lying on a bed with her sister trying to kill him all because he couldn’t tell her about his damning situation.

Then he saw the cliff. It wasn’t the one that he had fallen off of. This one was a sheet faced cliff that lead to spikes and death. The other had been a bit steep, but there were trees near it and back then he’d had a rope tied around his waist. He’d been prepared for when he fell off of that other cliff. He’d had a knife, and he was ready to struggle. He was ready to protect Emilia, Rem and Ram, and even Beatrice - who ever the attacker was going to go after once they’d gotten inside.

That was after he heard Kyouma scream from a spot just a little bit closer then he should have been in.

Subaru heard him scream twice, but he didn’t move. Kyouma was in the mansion. It was a trick to lure him out.

Then the chain flew at his face, and he fell from the cliff.

_Then he found out that it was Rem who was attacking him._

And once she’d cut off his leg with her magic, and healed it with the same thing because she didn’t want him to bleed out before she was done questioning him, she had grabbed him by the hair and dragged him back to the road.

She had dragged Subaru behind her so he could look at Kyouma’s dismembered body.

“Are you two here to sabotage Emilia’s bid at the throne?” Her voice was distant. She sounded like a demon, and in hindsight it was hardly a surprise that her voice was in his nightmares.

He was a mumbling mess, but still he had managed to shout at her, “I love Emilia!”

Rem dropped him then, forcefully into the ground, and she planted her foot on the currently breathing dismembered man she’d dragged down to the roadside, “Are you with the witch’s coven?” She asked. This time he could see the fire in her eyes.

“What?” He asked, “I don’t understand.”

Those had been the wrong words, but even more so was the pleading.

She trusted him so little, and Subaru - Subaru had been having fun with them as Kyouma spent his days studying in the library - trying to get back to what had meaning in his life.

He’d never had friends, and he was a truly incompetent man.

Now - He was walking closer to the sheer cliff. His toes perfectly lined up with the edge, and he stared down at the rocky spears pointed back up at him.

“If I close my eyes and take one step - it will all be over,” He gritted his teeth, and his body must have been painful to watch as he struggled to hold a foot over the open advance in front of him.

He tumbled backwards with a lack of balance, “It’s just one more step,” Hot, hot tears streaked down his face, “I can’t even -” He hid his face away from the sun, “I can’t even do something so simple.”

He curled up next to the cliff as the mental exhaustion coupled up with his physical exhaustion from his run.

And, He slept without dreams.

“I finally found you.”

It was Beatrice’s voice that woke him, and he hadn’t expected that.

He hadn’t really expected to wake up, but he stared at her as he slowly sat back up, “Why…?”

“What, I suppose,” Beatrice answered looking at him with her never changing emotion in her eyes. Her tone was soft. That wasn’t a thing he’d expected either.

“Why did you come for me? I…” Subaru managed.

“The contract I entered with you was to protect you - to stay by your side.”

“I didn’t expect you stay with me after the fourth morning.” He pulled a knee up for support, something to lean on.

“You must be mistaken, I suppose,” She answered, stepping closer to him, “I don’t remember discussing a time limit, and I wouldn’t have anyways, I suppose.”

Subaru’s heart missed a step, and he looked up at Beatrice and her shaming eyes.

“Clinging to hope only serves your convenience, I suppose.” She kept telling him, “What was lost can’t be reclaimed. You’ll have no more chances to explain yourself to the older sister. You threw that away. No matter which is lost, those sisters won’t ever be complete again, I suppose.”

“But I care about those two.” He found his steel so he could chide Beatrice, even if he couldn’t quite understand what she was trying to tell him with those words, “And I want to protect them!”

“What do you know about them, I suppose? No matter what is lost, they won’t be restored to what they were. They can’t be.”

“So in the end,” Subaru muttered, “I was just making a selfish, disgraceful fuss, not knowing anything?”

Beatrice held a hand out to Subaru, and voice was at the softest he’d ever heard from her. He’d never expected that either, “At the least, you need to die where I can’t see you, or I’ll have bad dreams, I suppose. So I’ll help you escape this domain.” He took her hand, and she helped him stand back up.

He stared his hand. He didn’t have a wedding band, but Kyouma’s hand had.

\- _I kept jumping, and jumping, and jumping and jumping. I tried everything to save her, to try and break fate in that Beta world line. -_

_\- “You broke time - so you could save your friend and your lover? So you could keep both of them in your life?” -_

_\- I suppose you’re right then. I did all of that just so I could keep them in my life. -_

Subaru stared at his hand, and he watched as it slowly curled up. His knuckles turned white.

Rem was the sort to blush over the thought of trimming his hair. Who was so patient when informing him on how to peel a potato even if it was hidden under all the jabs they’d traded back in forth.

Ram was the sort who would be more friendlier when asked - and would have a deep conversation over tea with a strange man who was freeloading in her master’s house.

They were both good, good people who he’d gotten to know over the last two weeks. Ram’s voice might have been filled with hatred. Rem’s eyes might have been a void as her face was covered with blood...

Neither he could get out of his head because they didn’t fit. He couldn’t shake them because they were horrible, horrible memories they’d inflicted on him, but he also couldn’t shake them because they weren’t the actions that fit them best.

They weren’t who they were.

Subaru gritted his teeth as he stared at the horizon beyond Beatrice. He was always the sort to drift down the easiest path.

He was an idiot for having the thought that he was having.

“And after I managed to save this life...” He whispered aloud. His hand was still raised. It was the one that Rem had first cut off of him. A twisted grin formed on his face, “That’s right. I saved my life, so…”

_What’s wrong with taking the path that’s easiest, that will let me live longer?_

_I’ll decide how to use it._

His hand closed on the small stream of light that was shining just through his grasp.

Beatrice watched him, but her eyes drifted to the form approaching behind him, “You were too slow.”

The magic around Ram warped the air. The noise was unnatural.

“I finally found you,” Her voice grim determination, “I won’t let you get away.”

“Stay back, I suppose,” Beatrice whispered as she stepped in front of Subaru. Her voice gained volume as Ram kept approaching, “As long as my contract exists, I won’t hold back, even against you.”

“And you, Beatrice-sama, seem to forget that we aren’t in the mansion now. We’re in the forest, away from the forbidden library. Are you certain you can protect him from me?”

Those words seemed to give Beatrice pause for thought, but Subaru knew something that she didn’t. He smiled though no one was giving him attention - not an attention that didn’t contain murdery stabby feels anyways.

Subaru did the one thing he’d tried to do since day one, and he grabbed Beatrice’s curled pig tails, pulled out, and he chuckled as he watched them bounce about comedically, “Boing!” he shouted to match the tone and newfound mood in his soul, “Oh, yeah, that feels good!“

“Wh-wh-wh-What are you doing?!” Beatrice hissed before she turned to shout at him, “Do you want to die?!”

“Don’t be dumb,” Subaru chided, “I don’t want to die in the slightest. I’m fine with dying just once - at the end of a very long life. That’s how I really feel,” He told her as he put a hand on her shoulder before stepping past her and closing a bit of distance between himself and Ram.

He might honestly feel that way, but it was time for him to step up to bat.

“You have guts,” Ram told him as she watched him walk, “You finally accept your fate?”

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Subaru answered firmly, “If anything, I’d say I’ve made up my mind.” He bowed to Ram, “Sorry… I’ve caused a lot of grief for you guys by being such a loser.”

Ram gasped, “You really do know something about Rem?” Subaru didn’t know why she was acting surprised by this note, but he supposed it didn’t matter either.

“No, Sorry, but I honestly don’t know a thing. Frankly, There’s too much I don’t know. But - I decided to learn more about the things I don’t know.”

“How can you say that now?” Ram had every right to be furious with him, “Rem is already dead. What can you do by learning anything now?!”

“I won’t make any cool statements about what I’ll be able to do. After all, this is what happened when I couldn’t do anything,” He admitted to her. “I know better then anyone that my words aren’t convincing in the least. But I do remember - I know parts of you that you’ve forgotten!”  
“What do you know about Rem and me?!” She nearly screamed at him, just a stranger that had been holed up in the library with Beatrice for the last four days.

“You’re right,” He answered her, “I don’t know anything that’s really important. But you don’t know, either, do you?!”

He could feel Beatrice’s eyes on his back. He was sure she was piecing all the clues from her time with him and Kyouma together to figure out this enigma.

“Know what?” Ram barely managed.

Subaru took a deep breath and he composed himself as he bent over as he shouted at her, “That I love you guys!”

Those words caught the girls off guard, and he took that moment to turn on the balls of his feet.

Then he ran like he had before, but instead of running from his problems and the ones he loved - leaving them as broken shattered bits from his misuse of the situation - he ran towards the cliff.

He ran towards his death.

He ran towards returning, and he hoped that ment redemption, for all of them.

“Wait!” Beatrice screamed. She tried to reach out, but he was already gone.

“This is something that only I can do!” He shouted to the wind rushing into his face. The loud rush of wind filled his ears.

- _I’m going to kill you! -_

“I’m going to save you.” He screamed right back at the memory, and he could only hope that they would all return from death with him as he plummeted into the rocks below.

This time, he would restart - and he protect all of their smiles.


	8. Just Because You Can - Doesn't Mean You Should

A white void collapsed as a violent black hand filled his awareness, but there was something else - tugging at the corners of Subaru’s attention. When ever he tried to look at it it was gone.

 _\- El Psy Congroo -_ Those words were just a whisper on the wind that he couldn’t understand.

* * *

“I’m back here again…” Subaru whispered.

He expected to hear Kyouma’s voice. Perhaps a slight chuckle, a simple ‘You worried too much about that’, or a gaze of fatherly concern as Kyouma spoke Subaru’s name.

“Sister, Sister… It appears our guest is still half asleep.” Rem’s voice was not what he’d expected.

“Rem, Rem… For one so young, it’s quite sad how out of it he is.” Ram’s voice quickly followed, and Subaru looked at the feet of his bed to find them holding hands, seemingly trying to press together, to become one person.

Subaru’s gaze slowly turned to the chair where he’d expected to see Kyouma.

“What’s the matter, sir?” Rem asked as the two rushed to his side, opposite the empty chair.

Subaru didn’t look away from the phone that was sitting there.

“Do you feel unwell?” Subaru guessed his face was wearing more emotion then he felt he had at the moment.

“What’s wrong, sir?” Ram quickly followed, “Do you have a chronic illness flaring up?”

Subaru chuckled and he quickly grabbed their hands, felt their warmth, “I wasn’t mistaken.”

Kyouma was gone - but this time - he wasn’t alone.

He would just have to try better - for their sakes. For Kyouma.

The girls scuttled away from him, “No, sir,” Rem answered, “I think you’re mistaken about everything.”

They pulled close to each other yet again, and Ram’s voice tickled Subaru’s ears, “No, sir. I think your very birth was a mistake.”

He had just grabbed two girls. “When I think about what’s to come I can’t laugh off that comment. But right now even that’s a good feeling.”

“Sister, sister,” Rem commented, “Could our guest be a troubled man, deriving pleasure from torture?”

“Rem, Rem,” Ram responded, “Our guest appears to be a pervert turned on by insults.”

“Sorry to do that out of the blue,” Subaru commented before pushing the blanket aside and standing up, “But I trust both of you.” He walked over to them and he stretched out his hand, “Let's be friends, okay?”

The twins looked at each other and a voice came from the door.

Emilia-tan’s.

“It was awfully noisy so I came to check,” Her voice was soft as her as slipped into the room as well, “Subaru, I’m glad you seem well.”

“A second ago, I had a lot on my mind,” Subaru told her, “But seeing you blew it all away, Emilia-Tan! I guess you were the wonder drug my heart needed.”

“Sorry,” Emilia said with a slight furrow to her brow, “I have no idea what you’re saying. But good morning. I’m glad you’re well.”

“Yeah, Good morning.” Subaru closed his eyes, and slight smile settled on his lips, “Okay, might as well get started.”

* * *

The rest of the day was spent working at the mansion.

He had two things he had to do to survive a week at the mansion.

He had to gain the trust of the staff, and he had to find the shaman.

It was the middle of the afternoon when he saw Emilia sitting in a gazebo talking to the lesser spirits in the area.

And - It seemed like a good a time as any for him to take a break. So he slid out of the castle, and he found a spot near to Emilia on the green, “I’m exhausted,” He admitted as he flopped down to stare up at the blue sky above him.

“You’re quite the hard worker,” Puck told him with a smirk as he floated over Subaru.

“I’m not quite done yet,” Subaru admitted, “I need to prepare dinner and clean the rooms. I’ll get back to work after a little break.”

“It’s only your first day and you’re so spirited!”

“Well,” Subaru admitted. He rolled over to his side and got comfortable as he watched Emilia smile as she talked, “Some important things are at stake here.” He looked over at Puck, “By the way, what sort of magic does Emilia-tan use?”

“Technically,” Puck answered him, “Lia isn’t really a magic-user. That goes for her contract with me, too. She uses spirit arts!”

“So those that use magic and spirits arts are different…”  
“Magic users cast magic with their own mana,” Puck explained, “But those that use spirit arts draw from mana in the atmosphere.”

“And how are those two different, Sensei?” Subaru answered with a pout and a hand raised in the air.

“Basically, it depends on whether you use a gate.” Puck answered just as enthusiastically.

“A gate?”

“Mana passes through a gate within your body.,” Puck demonstrated visually with his tail, “Through the gate, you both draw mana in and expel it out.”

“I see. So it’s like a spigot for MP…”

“You should also have one, Subaru,” Puck said with a pat on Subaru’s nose.

“R-Really? Does that mean I can use magic, too?”

“Want me to figure out your attribute? Magic users are divided into fire, water, wind, and earth attributes,” Puck explained as his tail touched Subaru’s face. A pale white light glowed as Puck started to chant.

“Whoa, it’s totally a magic sound effect!”

“I know what you’re attribute is,” Puck told him as he pulled his tail back to his side.

“Yes! I’ve been waiting for this! Is it the burning fire of passion? Or a relaxed, cool-guy water type? Or maybe a gentle wind blowing across the plain? Or is it solid reliable earth?”

“Shadow.” Puck answered.

“All rejected?!”

“Wow, shadow?” Emilia commented as she walked over to the other two on the green, “That’s very rare.”

“What is shadow, anyways?” Subaru asked quickly, “Weren’t there only four attributes? This is a category error!”

“In addition to the four basic attributes, there’s also shadow and light,” Puck clarified.

“Is it actually some amazing ability? Like a talent only seen once in five thousand years?”

Emilia’s bored face was a stark contrast to the overexcited Subaru. A Subaru who didn’t even notice the contrast existed.

“With shadow magic,” Emilia answered, “You can obstruct an opponent's vision, block sound, slow movements and the things like that.”

Subaru’s over excitement deflated quickly.

Debuffs. What Emilia-tan was describing was debuffs.

“An easy one would be something like Shamac,” Puck added.

“That’s a binding spell, isn’t it?” Emilia asked.

With a glint in his eye, “Want me to show you?” Puck offered.

“For real?” Subaru sat up just a little bit higher, “Lets see, lets see!”

“Wait, Puck-” Emilia tried. She really did try.

“Shamac!” Puck said with a downward motion.

It was as if Puck had pulled down a blind on Subaru.

Back home, Subaru had heard about sensory deprivation. That it was a very bad thing.

He only had a faint awareness of where his arms and legs were. He tried to reach out for Puck. To see if he could feel his soft fur.

He felt nothing.

It just like back when he’d tried to tell Emilia.

When he felt nothing - He felt the only fear of that memory in his bones.

He struggled to breath.

It hurt. It only hurt.

He struggled to scream, but he couldn’t. His jaw refused to open, or perhaps he’s just lost the sense of it.

“Okay,” Puck’s voice entered the void, “That’s enough.”

And like that the blind slide off of Subaru. The spell was lifted.

Subaru could breath again. He saw his hands stretched out in front of him. He was surrounded by a garden. There were more hues of green, blue, and white then the brown of bark. He was standing on his own, and if he looked down he’d see he was about to walk over a small ledge that surrounded the small stream.

“What’d you think?” Puck asked, “That was Shamac.”

“Are you okay?” Emilia asked.

There was a cold sweat on his face and a slight tremble in his lips for a moment. That spell - He spun around with a smile on his face, and he rubbed the back of his head, “I-I’m fine!” He answered, “It’s not too flashy! But it seems pretty effective! So I can use this Shamac, right?”

“Well,” Puck answered as they both fell for his lie of being okay, “That depends on your training. Want to try the beginner’s course?”

“Please, Master!” He answered quickly.

Should anyone go through that? No. But there was some important things at stake, and he knew he’d need every tool in his chest that he could get.

A moment later they were standing a very wide clearing, “I’ll act as support,” Puck explained, “And use the mana inside you, so the magic will come from your own gate. Lia,” Puck turned to Emilia, “On the off chance that Subaru’s magic goes out of control and explodes, you should step away, so your clothes don’t get messy.”

Emilia was barely in sight when she was done widening the gap between herself and Subaru.

“That only happens if I screw up really badly, right?!” Subaru was just now worrying about how this might just be a bad idea.

“If you can make relaxed light hearted comments like that, you’ll be fine,” Puck told him gently, “Now, visualize the flow of mana through your body,” Puck instructed as he sat down gently on Subaru’s head, “Then expel a part of it, through your gate, out of your body.”

“Visualizing, I can do.” Subaru replied, “Fantasizing is what I do best.”

* * *

Subaru wasn’t sure quite what had happened after he’d started chanting, but he felt it, whatever it was.

“Long story short,” Puck answered, “Your control over your gate isn’t very good, so you shouldn’t try too hard.”

“You’re the one who said I’d be fine,” Subaru managed.

“Tee- Hee!” Puck replied with a blush.

“That’s not cute at all,” Subaru moaned as he his hand rested on his forehead.

He was lying down on a bench in a gazebo with Emilia standing worried over him.

Her face looking down at his was the only thing good about the moment, and the lack of mana ruined even that. He felt like a zombie, walking dead. Although he should amend that thought because he wasn’t going to be walking any time soon.

“Well,” Puck pouted, “For better or worse, your gate hasn’t been well used. That’s why the mana inside ignored the user’s will, bursting out.”

“What am I, a soy sauce bottle with a loose cap?” Subaru asked pushing his hair back out of his face.

He tried to sit up.

“You shouldn’t move,” Emilia instructed, “You used up all of the mana in your body. Maybe you shouldn’t work anymore today -”

“No!” Subaru shouted. Emilia flinched, “I have to!” He kept struggling to stand up.

“Don’t try to over do it!” Emilia insisted as she rushed to his side.

“This is exactly when I need to over do it,” Subaru insisted right back, “I can’t waste a single day.”

“You really are useless,” Emilia muttered with a pout. She stepped over to his side.

“What-?” She put something in his mouth and covered it.

“Chew and swallow it,” Emilia told him, “Three … and go!”

He did as told, and he didn’t quite know what it was that he felt, “Wh- What was that?” He asked. Now he could move freely.

Emilia giggled, “It’s a bocco fruit. Once you eat it, your mana activates, and your gate regains a little bit of it’s strength.”

“Sorry,” Subaru told her, “I guess I’ve caused you some trouble.”

“You don’t understand, Subaru,” Emilia pouted again. It caught Subaru off guard, and Emilia pushed forward, “It’s more satisfying to hear one ‘Thank you’ than a lot of ‘sorry’s.” Her expression lightened, “I did it because I wanted to help, not because I wanted an apology. Okay?”

Subaru had no words to that, for some reason they just blew him away. Even he couldn’t tell you why. Perhaps it was seeing that angle of his Emilia-tan’s personality, or maybe he’d just never thought of seeing it that way.

He knew he loved her even more no matter the reasoning behind it.

* * *

The next morning, Subaru found himself in the library talking with Beatrice. But not about what he’d meant to talk to her about.

See, He felt he was making good, solid strides for gaining the twin’s trust - so that just meant he had to figure out how to avoid the Shaman and the curse.

So he went to the library to ask about _ that _ .

Instead, He found Beatrice playing around with Kyouma’s dead phone that Subaru had completely forgotten about checking on after Emilia had entered his room, “Who is Okabe Rintarou to you?” She asked looking up from the device she had to think was a Metia.

Subaru stared her and squinted, “Huh?”

She showed the the screen to him. It was a chat she’d had going on. For some reason the text was in Lugunica’s writing system although Subaru had no idea how that could even be.

Besides - The phone had never worked for Kyouma. That’s why he’d forgotten about it after Emilia-tan had appeared.

But it was clearly doing something now.

He quickly grabbed the phone from her, and he scrolled to the top of the chat.

_ El Psy Congroo _ \- Was the lone message at the top. It was dated yesterday morning, and Subaru had to presume that that was the time when he woke up.

_ Christina~! The Organization is at it again! _

_ Christina! _

_ ASSISTANT - THIS IS MAD SCIENTIST HYOUOUIN KYOUMA. YOU MUST RESPOND TO ALL TEXTS. _

_ … _

_ … Kurisu? _

Those first text had all been quick fire, with maybe a few minutes in between, waiting for a response. The next one happened two hours later and the gaps between only got wider.

_ I’m sorry, Kurisu. Please respond. _

_ I don’t know where I am, Kurisu. I can’t access anything on my phone other then my email. _

_ Please, Kurisu. I don’t know what to do. _

_ … How are the twins doing? _

_ Is John still pouting when Mayuri dresses him up to match Titor? _

_ … I feel like I haven’t seen them in a nearly a month, but the calendar says it’s only been two days. _

_ I know I saw you, but I can’t remember where. _

_ I miss your lips. I still feel them. _

_ Kurisu - Why aren’t you responding? _

Subaru glanced up at Beatrice who was watching him read, “I didn’t know this Metia worked.” He mumbled before turning his eyes back to the screen, “But it looks like you figured out how to work it?”

“Once I touched it.” Beatrice admitted with a proud look away from him.

**Who are you?** She had responded.

_ … That isn’t funny, Kurisu, and you know it. _

**I’m not Kurisu.**

_...Who is this? _

**I asked you first.**

_ And you’re the one talking on my wife’s phone. What have you done to her?! _

**I found this metia in the manor next to Natsuki Subaru. I know nothing about your wife.**

**Who are you?**

_ My name is Okabe Rintarou. _

_ Please ignore the Hououin Kyouma comments on here. _

_ It’s an inside with my wife. _

_ I don’t want to explain. _

**Understood. But who are you?**

_ I just said. _

**You’re talking through text on a box. Who are you?**

_ … ? _

_ You mean with a phone? _

**I have no idea what that means.**

**I don’t understand half of the things that you’re saying.**

_ … Betty? _

And the chat stopped there. Subaru looked up at Beatrice and he started to open his mouth when the phone in his hand buzzed.

_ Hello? _

“I know who Okabe Rintarou is,” Subaru answered.

And he quickly sent a text back to Kyouma - to Okabe.

**My name is Natsuki Subaru. You have spent the last 17 days or so with me.**

**You were talking to Betty. She found your phone on the chair beside my bed when I woke up.**

**Do you remember anything?**

_ … I remember kissing my wife - an explosion in the lab. _

_ Do you know what happened to me? _

_ I don’t know where I am _

_ Where is Christina _

_ Is she okay? _

**Yes.**

_ How do you know? _

**Because she isn’t here.**

_ Where are you? _

**The forbidden library with Beatrice.**

_ My head feels like it’s about to tear open _

**I’m sorry.**

_ How am I texting? _

_ I don’t have arms _

_ Subaru - What’s going on? _

_ Where am I? _

_ Aggggh~! _

_ My leg. _

_ Where is my leg _

_ Rem _

_ Why would rem  _

_ Who is Rem? _

Subaru’s hands started to tremble as those texts came in the speed of thought.

**Where did you go, Kyouma?** He quickly texted to interrupt the man’s break down.

_ What do you mean? _

**Whenever I wake up - you show up.**

**But you didn’t this time - just your phone.**

_ Show up where? _

**Lugunica. Roswaal’s mansion.**

_ But shouldn’t I be waking up in the hospital? _

_ The explosion - _

_ The pulse sent me to a different world.  _

_ How could I forget? _

_ But there are so many pieces missing. _

_ I’m not quite me. _

_ I am not acting like Kyouma right now. _

_ I normally would...  _

_ I’m missing a part of myself. _

_ Subaru… I’m here if you need me, but I don’t know if I’ll be much help if I’m really just stuck in a phone at the moment. I - I need to process what’s happening on my own. _

**Understood.**

Subaru looked up at Beatrice, “What is this? How can a person be a metia?”

“He isn’t a spirit?”

“No,” Subaru answered quickly, “At least I don’t think so. He looked like a person when I met him.”

Beatrice raised an eyebrow, “Spirits can look like people.”

“Then what’s the difference between them?”

“Their composition.” Beatrice answered, “But you’re saying a human being is in that metia?”

“Is it even possible?” Subaru answered as he ran his fingers through his hair, “I mean -” He was about to confirm it. He was about talk about that fact - and the air stilled.

He couldn’t tell her. Apparently it was part of the hell he was stuck in.

“You mean what?”

“It’s nothing. I don’t know.”

Beatrice didn’t buy it.

But Beatrice was alive.

Subaru was okay with those conclusions.

“Then I can’t tell you-”

“Please,” Subaru’s voice cracked as he begged. He was responsible. Only he knew all of the pieces, “He has children. He needs-”

The phone buzzed, and he looked down to see the new message.

_ I have access to the microphone. I can hear you. _

Another message quickly followed.

_ I can talk to Betty about it. You don’t need to plead my case. _

**I can’t let her read the chat. If she finds out about-**

_ I can clear that from the history. I’m slowly managing to fill in spots with better control over this old thing. _

**Thanks.**

Subaru held the phone back to Beatrice, “Finder’s keepers.”

“What?”

“It’s all yours. Do with it as you wish.”

“That was sudden.”

“Not as sudden as me about to ask about curses, but that is why I came here in the first place.”

* * *

Beatrice was sitting the library with the metia when Emilia entered. She was studying for the royal selection. Beatrice glanced up and and then she looked down back down at the metia.

“What are you doing?” Emilia asked as she stepped over to look over Beatrice’s shoulder.

“Examining a metia that Subaru brought to the castle. It smells like the witch.” Beatrice answered.

“Oi, oi,” The metia muttered, “If I had a heart at the moment you would be breaking it, Sweet Betty!”

Beatrice frowned, “It seems mostly harmless, I suppose.”

“Mostly!?” It squeaked, “And what does that mean for me?!”

“It means I mostly won’t think of doing something to disable you.”

“You shouldn’t be so rude, Sweet Betty,” Beatrice rolled her eyes, “Are you going to introduce me? Or should I, Hououin Kyouma, be the one in charge of-”

“It claims the name Okabe Rintarou,” Beatrice cut him off, and Emilia looked at Beatrice with slight tilt of curiosity, “Subaru thinks it’s a person.”

“I am-!” Okabe tried to pipe up.

“But how-?” Emilia asked, “If a person’s soul is sealed away in a thing then isn’t it normally in status?”

Beatrice nodded, “He is as you’ve noticed-”

“Nothing can stop HOUOUIN KYOUMA-”

“Okabe.” Beatrice stared at the metia.

“Yes, ma’am.” He answered quickly.

“He backed down rather quickly.” Emilia commented.

“He -” Beatrice sighed, and she pushed the button on the top. It turned the front to black and silenced Okabe. Subaru had told her about that when Okabe kept interrupted their conversation once he’d figured out how to talk, “He’s that sort of person.”

“What do you mean?”

“He just figured out he’s in a metia.”

“Oh…” Emilia muttered.

“And what he was saying before he talked to Subaru…” Beatrice mumbled. She bit her lip as she thought. She looked up at Emilia, “Do you want to know more?”

“What do you mean?”

“I think Subaru and Okabe are hiding something, and that it’s hurting them. Okabe claims that he hasn’t seen his family in over a month, and Subaru knows him. He brought him here, I suppose.”

“You suppose?” Emilia asked. She knew it was verbal tick, but she also felt that there might be something more to it then that.

“Subaru left it in his room, and he was surprised when it worked.”

“But if he knows Okabe? Why didn’t he know the metia works?”

“They have something they’re hiding.”

“Like that I can turn myself back on.” Okabe chuckled, “Subaru has a lot on his plate.” Okabe answered softly, “Please be kind to the boy and know that if we could explain we would.”

Beatrice frowned at the meita, “How long have you been listening?”

“Since you tried to turn me off. I played dead. It’s rude turning someone off, Sweet Betty.”

“Off?” Emilia asked, “You mean you sleep?”

“No-  Actually I have no idea.”

“How can you not be sure?” Emilia asked.

“Well, eh, uh,” Okabe stumbled, and then suddenly a face appeared on the meita, and they saw a gangly man with black hair scratching his chin. He stopped for a moment, his eyes opened wide, and he jumped while screaming in excitement, “Finally!” He screamed, “HOUOUIN KYOUMA IS MASTER OF THIS CELL PHONE.” His his hand was up and dropped something. Then he stared at the girls, “It’s only actually been a day since this development...”

“What?” Beatrice stammered, “But about what you said earlier?!”

“You mean the twins and the calendar?” Okabe was scratching his chin again, “I’ve had a lot happen…”

“Like what?” Emilia asked, soft, innocent. There were no hidden accusations or personal concerns. She was simply worried for Okabe’s sake.

“I can tell you about my story, but it’s tied to Subaru’s - and I can not violate his trust. You understand, right?”

Emilia nodded with a bit more honesty then others might have approved of. It was enough to cover Beatrice’s lack of a response, “Absolutely.”

“Nearly a month ago - I was in a different - I was in a different world. I was with my wife in our lab and we were working on some new tech. There was a sudden influx in the energy - a form we’d never seen before - and we were measuring. The device couldn’t handle it. A pulse went out, and I was caught up in what happened. Then, I woke up here. Then - Uh… I died I guess? And now I’m in what you two have been calling a metia.”

Beatrice snorted, and Okabe flinched. His face vanished from the screen replaced with text.

The meita shook much to Emilia’s surprise, and not at all to Beatrice’s surprise.

“He says he needs to sleep for now. He doesn’t know when or if he’ll be able to wake.” Beatrice glanced up and Emilia saw an emotion in Beatrice’s eyes.

“Does he say why?”

“I don’t understand it - do you know what a battery is?”

Emilia shook her head.

“I don’t understand half the things he says, but he’s worried about Subaru for some reason.”

“Does he say why about that?”

The phone buzzed. Beatrice glanced down, and she read what ever it was that appeared on the screen, “He’s worried about the boy trying too hard. That Subaru’s worried someone might be after his Emilia-tan.”

Emilia squinted at the phone, “Why would Subaru think that?” She asked.

The phone buzzed.

Beatrice stared at for a moment, “I swear,” She shouted at the thing, “I don’t understand half of the things you say!”

“What-”

“I don’t know what this first character is -”

Phone buzz -  _ It’s read as hashtag. _

Beatrice did not appreciate the new information.

“Apparently that means first character is read as hashtag,” Her frustration was more boredom at this point. Why try to keep up, “So it says - Hashtag Insert Bitter Chuckle here.”

“What is a hashtag?” Emilia asked slowly.

Phone buzzed.

“He has no idea either, but insists that this is a matter we shouldn’t bring up with Subaru. He’s said more then he should - and Subaru wouldn’t want to bother us more then he already has.”

Emilia sighed, “Thank you, Okabe.” She smiled, “I won’t tell Subaru that you told us.”

They waited for a response, but the text faded away leaving only a black void to look at.

“I guess he really did need to sleep…” Emilia muttered, “What do you think of what just happened?” She asked looking up at Beatrice.

“I think - they don’t know what sort of a situation they’re in, and that they’re stuck trying to figure out the best actions.”

Emilia blinked taken back at depth and honesty, “You’re worried, aren’t you?”

“Not in the least, but I know others might be, I suppose.”

Emilia nodded with understanding.

Beatrice stared at Emilia, “You came here for a reason, I suppose?” She asked to break the silence.

Emilia straightened up, “I did! I need to study!”

Beatrice would have chuckled as Emilia dove off, but she was too much of a Tsundere, as Okabe had called her between Subaru’s departure and Emilia’s arrival, to do that.

* * *

 


	9. Just Because You Can - Doesn't Mean You Should - Work Edition

The next morning Subaru decided to focus on his work. He had a lot of it ahead of him.

“Good morning!” He screamed as he stretched his lungs standing on the stairs to the green. Subaru didn’t understand, but the fresh air felt like the air he was able to take in. The still, stiff air in the mansion was stifling and he felt only the weight of it on his shoulder. Subaru glanced at Emilia and he smirked, “It’s another sunny day, perfect for drying laundry! Let’s make today a happiness filled day! Now - Victory! Victory!”

“You’re so energetic again this morning,” Emilia commented.

“Yep! Even as I’m ordered around and disciplined by the maid sisters, I’ll enjoy my servant’s life to the fullest again! But when that lifestyle wears me out -” He had a smile on his face, he dreamed about what he was about to talk about, “I’ll come rest my head on your lap,  so save it for me okay?” He would never wear though. He couldn’t. He wasn’t aware of the ocean of waves on his face - The confidence and pride to ask such a thing, the light hearted air of a comic for his display of such a request, and the bitter reluctance to ask, to dream, of a thing he never planned on taking advantage of. 

Which is why he never let her answer. His attention was diverted to Puck, “When you wash your face like that, you really do look like a cat! So, do spirits get sleepy and stuff, too? Do they oversleep?”

Puck skipped away from Subaru so he could curl up on Emilia’s head, “Don’t you people get sleepy when you’re fatigued, too? When a spirits’ mana, the source of their energy, is depleted, they experience something similar…”

Both Emilia and Puck yawned in unison.

“Did you two stay up all night or what?” Subaru asked, but he was too carried away to notice the twinge in Emilia’s eyes. She had spent more time in the library then intended helping Beatrice pull books on metias and realms, “I bet you were up late talking about who you like, right? Let me in on the fun! Eh? Who I like? It’s embarrassing to say, but -”

“The one I like is Puck and the one Puck likes is me.” Emilia answered with ease, “There. That conversation’s over.”

“Your love is mutual?! Then where do I fit in?”

“Nowhere.” Puck answered, “Lia’s head-over-heels for my charms. You aren’t a bad guy, but compared to me, you’ve got nothing… You should give up on Lia and -”

“Don’t get carried away, you two,” Emilia answered. She grabbed each of them by an ear, “If you both keep this up, I’ll get mad!”

“Ow, ow!” Puck screeched for the both of them, “You are mad! You are mad!”

“Whoops,” Subaru muttered as she let go of him. He stumbled for a moment, and then he looked at what he knew to be an imaginary watch on his wrist, “I should get going, or the maid sisters will be angry.” He quickly turned Emilia and he waved to the smile he was trying to protect, “Bai!”

But there was no smile waving back at him. Subaru was too busy dashing away to hear Puck’s words to Emilia, “What’s wrong? You don’t look happy.”

“I just feel… Sort of uneasy. I can’t really explain it...”

“Well, I can’t blame you for being confused. This has gotten to be a bit of a problem.”

“A problem?” She asked. Puck had been sleeping when she had gone to see Beatrice last night - he knew nothing about what they’d experienced with Subaru’s Metia - Okabe Rintarou.

“Subaru’s mind is really mixed up,” Puck answered softly, “The inside and outside are all confused. If this keeps up, he’ll wear himself out before long.”

“What makes you say that?” Emilia asked. Her gaze shifted from Puck to the door closing behind Subaru.

“His eyes don’t match his hands. It’s a crack and it’s only going to grow wider…”

Subaru couldn’t hear their concern. He didn’t turn around to reassure them that he was okay. He went to work.

The vase broke. He heard that.

Rem said something, but he was quicker.

He should be the one to fix what he broke.

He’s back. He doesn’t remember picking the vase.

He hears her question - “How did you know where the spare vases are?”

He forgets the moments before she gives him, unknowingly, an out - “Did my sister-”

He takes it, and he runs. Literally.

He can’t stop. He has to keep going.

He doesn’t remember cooking with Ram.

His hands don’t shake as he sweeps.

He’s rambling whenever he sees someone.

He doesn’t know what he’s saying, but perhaps if he can keep his mouth running then the rest of him will keep moving like nothing wrong. Like nothing could or has gone wrong.

Because he feels sick. He feels sick. 

Sick.

But he can’t stop. He has to keep going.

If he can make them laugh…

If he can make sure he’s not wasting a moment…

If he can just make sure-

He’s in the bathroom. The sink is running, and his mouth is doing the same but not in the way he could show anyone. 

No one could know.

No one could understand. Maybe, Okabe could, but he wasn’t there.

Subaru was alone.

So he ran his mouth, “Damn,” He whispered, “I look so lame…”

He turned off the sink, but he couldn’t stop his mouth, “I don’t time to keep whining.

“You idiot.”

He couldn’t take a moment’s break. He couldn’t let anyone know-

“Subaru…” He didn’t expect her. He didn’t see her. He didn’t remember leaving the bathroom - going back to work. He jumped.

His face had a smile on his face before he turned to face her. His hand was in the air, and he tried to keep the rest of the air just as light and lifted, “Emilia-tan!”

She steps closer, “Subaru, come with me,” She says before he can get his mouth running.

His body stutters, but his mouth doesn’t miss a beat, “Uh-oh! A personal request from Emilia-tan? How joyous! How embarrassing! How rare!”

He was too busy acting to see her stare. Her simple gaze. Her confusion. Why was he trying so hard for her, a stranger?

“Say anything!” Subaru told her, “Tell me to do anything! For you I’d dive into fire, water, the loot house - anywhere!”

“Subaru…” Emilia said slowly.

She wasn’t smiling.

Subaru waved it off. He wasn’t trying to wave her off, just the serious air, “Hey, come on! The Emilia-tan I know would say…” His body and mouth were running faster then Emilia could keep up with, “Wait! Are you a fake? But could anyone else look so gorgeous that I just want to hug her?”

_ Fall for the lie. _ He thought.  _ Fall for the lie - fall for the act, Emilia-tan. I need this. If I stop now I’ll  _ -

“All right,” Emilia took a purposeful step forward, “Subaru,” She grabbed his wrist, “Come here.” She told him. She pulled him to follow her.

She was leading him to his room, the place he’d just left, “Wha-?”

“Just come.”


	10. Don't Forget to Name Your Chapters - Or - It's Better To Learn from Someone Else's Experiences Or Even Your Own. Subaru, Okabe, I'm Talking to You

“Did I really just bawl all over the girl I love and fall asleep with tears and snot all over my face? What kind of shame play is that?! I’m totally hopeless.”

Okabe had managed to get battery charged up with his rest - he couldn’t really argue about the science when it meant he wasn’t, for all intents and purposes, dead again in Lugunica. He listened and he watched. Beatrice had tied the phone into the bow around her neck so he could read what she read. It kept him quiet.

He still got a headache, despite not having a head, watching as Subaru paced around in circles.

“You burst in here late at night,” Beatrice said without looking up from her pages, “And that’s what you have to say, I suppose?”

“Don’t say that, Beako…” Subaru moaned, “We’re tight, aren’t we?”

“What kind of relationship do you think we- Wait,” She finally looked up from her book, “What did you call me?”

Okabe chuckled.

“Oh?” Subaru stopped pacing and looked at Beatrice, “‘Beako’? I think pet names are indispensable in showing affection. So I’m going to call you Beako. That’s the best proof of my affection that I can give.”

Okabe knew the weight of that word choice.

Beatrice furrowed her brow, “What sort of obtrusive display of goodwill is that?” She skirted the issue. She knew some curses - which he’d asked about - could be conditional, “That isn’t just disgusting. It’s revolting, hmph!”

“Don’t be so cold, Beako,” Subaru shrugged off the tsundere’s barbs, “The thing is... “ He said. He bowed, “I’m backed into a corner here. Honestly, I want you help with the curses I asked about.”

Okabe knew Beatrice didn’t sit up, and her ears didn’t perk up. He also knew Subaru had her interest even if he couldn’t move the camera on the phone so he could see her face.

“I told you,” Beatrice answered, “Once activated, curses can’t be undone, I suppose.”

Okabe knew what she was saying between her words.

I can’t undo whatever is plaguing you.

He also knew - Subaru wasn’t asking for that. Subaru didn’t want to leave after all, and if Return by Death was anything - it was an anchor that kept him in the world that contained Lugunica and the ones Subaru had ground to love.

He also had no idea Beatrice could be addressing that subject.

“Yeah,” Subaru answered, “You did. But can you detect curses before they’re activated inside?”

“I am capable of discovering curses before they’re activated.”

Okabe watched the eyes he’d seen early filled with shadows of death gain a glow that wasn’t just from the rest he’d gotten sharing his tears with Emilia, and Subaru knelt down in front of Beatrice, “How are curses placed?” He asked simply.

“There is one rule,” Beatrice answered just as simply, “Of casting curses that cannot be broken, I suppose.”

“A rule that can’t be broken?”

“Physical contact with the curse’s target. That is the prerequisite.”

Okabe watched the gears click in Subaru’s head, “Other then those in this mansion, I’ve only touched the villagers at base of the mountain. I was cursed in the village, it activated that night, in the mansion, and then I died?”

Beatrice’s hand went up to her collar, and Okabe’s view shifted. It was weird being a phone. He’d come to terms to it. He felt like he was sitting in a giant black room - with each open app as a wide screen in front of him, like panels in front of him in a VR environment that he could flip through. So he had the camera app up, and Beatrice was opening the email.

“He die-” She typed.

He erased the message before finish it. Before she actually said it.

“Yes.” He answered in the same textual way, “But talking about it is how I died before he got to the mansion.”

Beatrice looked back up at Subaru. She had gotten use to typing. She could do it without looking, “That’s why he doesn’t tell anyone, I suppose.”

Okabe muted the buzz as her attention shifted back to what Subaru was saying, “... Exactly.”

“That would explain why the shaman got Rem last time,” Subaru kept mumbling completely unaware of the digital conversation that happened behind his back, “I didn’t go to the village, so she ended up being the target. It fits… It all fits now! I finally found a lead, damn it!”

Okabe smiled as the young man really started to come back to life. He smiled as he heard the hope and relief in Subaru’s voice.

“Is that any attitude to take toward someone you asked for help, I suppose?” Beatrice asked. Okabe squinted. What was she trying to - “If it was helpful to you, I think there’s something you should say.” Oh. Now Okabe got it. She wasn’t trying to get more information from him. She was just a true tsundere that could give Kurisu a run for her money.

“Yeah,” Subaru turned to Beatrice with a smile that warmed even Okabe’s digital imaginary heart, “That’s right!” He swung her up in the air, and Okabe laughed as the camera tumbled down. He had to adjust the camera’s app to the other side so he wouldn’t miss a moment of Beatrice’s self inflicted suffering, “You saved me! Thanks to you, I can see the light! Beako, I love you!”

The scene of her squealing in surprise and Okabe’s echoing laughter was only brought to an end with Beatrice finally managed to get her arms under control. It looked like she was going to slap Subaru, “Please put me down, I suppose!” She slapped him in a magical way.

“Dorwazu!”

“What even was that sound?” Okabe chuckled to himself before yawning and turning off for the night.

… Actually. Maybe he could run an app in the background while he was ‘hibernating’…

It couldn’t hurt to try.

He opened the photos, and he stared at the old photos of Kurisu and the rest of the members of his lab that were stored on his old D-Mail phone… He smiled whenever he saw Suzuha. Kurisu’s words rung in his ears. “I hope I get to see you again soon…” He muttered with a gentle touch on her cheek before swiping to the next image stored away on the old device, “Although I suppose you’ll be much smaller next time, huh?”

* * *

The next day, Subaru came back to the library. Beatrice wasn’t surprised by his presence. She was surprised by the lack of collaborative interest in the other’s well doing - Subaru and Okabe didn’t say a thing in acknowledging the other. It was something that she was noticing more and more.

She didn’t know if it was because of a disinterest in the other or a closeness between the two. That they had just accepted the other’s presence and no longer needed to acknowledge it.

And she didn’t know enough to even speculate on their lack of noticing the aforementioned behavior. She didn’t know they were, for the most part, strangers to each other after all.

That was hardly a lingering notion as Subaru’s words demanded her attention as he summarized his morning, “And that’s why I’m here for my long-awaited Beako time!”

Beatrice was not amused, “Your face looks quite different then it did half a day ago. You’ve been busy, I suppose.”

“I’d love to take it easy for a change, you know… But there’s something I want you to check for me. I think I’ve been cursed-” The meita tied to her collar buzzed, and she absentmindedly pulled it down into her hand, “Could you find out for sure?”

Beatrice frowned, and she looked down to see what Okabe had tried to whisper to her, “Tell me what you find…” She put the meita back in its spot.

She squinted at Subaru, “What are you talking about?”

“I think I’ve been cursed. Could find out for sure?”

Beatrice’s frown deepened. It was clear he didn’t think she suspected more of him - that she knew how dangerous his curse could be - so what was he referring to? “No one asked you to repeat yourself, I suppose!” She jumped from her seat and strode towards him, “It’s been half a day since I told you about shamans. You’re far too impres-” She stopped.

She stared at Subaru. There were two strings on him now that she was looking for it. One was so hard to catch a vision of, but it also connected to the meita at her neck.

Both of them had the same curse connecting them, but it wasn’t suppose to be like this. The strand was broken and she could see their mana tangled up in it. If it had been a single thread on Subaru - it would have been undetected.

The air stilled. The curse knew, and just like that Beatrice felt a cold hand wrap around her heart for a just a moment.

* * *

Beatrice stumbled forward into Subaru’s arms, and while Subaru caught her and held her up, his mind was trying to run through what happened.

_Return by Death - How could it be a curse? It brought me Lugunica didn’t it-_

He heard her gasp. He felt her shiver.

The phone buzzed twice before it fumbled down from the spot Beatrice had tucked it away in.

Something felt like it was missing as Beatrice pushed off of Subaru as she struggled to regain her composure.

Subaru’s hand reached out for the phone, “Okabe?” His voice was trembling as he picked up the cell phone. He tried to turn it on.

Nothing.

“Okabe!” He screamed as he tried again.

Nothing.

He shook it and he kept screaming.

Nothing.

“I swear if this is a prank, Kyouma!”

Nothing.

His hands started to tremble. He’d felt the hand for a moment. He’d felt the air still. He knew someone was suppose to be dead, but he stared at Beatrice - the only one that didn’t know - the only one that could have accidently stumbled across it while checking for the curse, “What did you do?” He asked - his voice was soft, his intention hardly such.

She didn’t look at him, “Is he gone then?”

Natsuki dropped the phone, “Yeah.”

Beatrice cleared her throat, “I need to try and undo the other curse on you, I suppose.”

Subaru nodded, “Just don’t leave me too.” He told her as she took a step closer.

She was staring up into his eyes, and he smiled.

 _Please believe the lie,_ He thought again, _That I’m okay. That I don’t feel broken - missing a piece. Because if you don’t believe that everything’s okay-_

Subaru couldn’t have guessed that she’d noticed anything despite her word choice telling him so much. It didn’t click in his head. She knew, and Subaru couldn’t have told himself that he saw that in her eyes or expression.

* * *

Okabe was gasping in the hospital room again.

This time there was no Mayuri. There was no shouting in the hallway. He was alone, and he doubted there was anyone else in the world line he was in - if he was on the world line he figured himself to be on.

Then the air stilled and where Mayuri had sat the last time he he’d seen this room there was a black shape.

“I love you- I love him. You smell the same. Both of you are in the wrong space.” She told him. She sounded eerily similar to Emilia.

Okabe laughed nervously, “I’m sorry, My Princess. I have no clue-”

“Who am I talking to?” She asked, “I only wanted Natsuki Subaru, but I can’t tell the two of you apart.”

“If you know I’m not him - then you’re doing exactly that.” Okabe answered, his tone flat as his brain whirled with the new information.

He couldn’t see her smile, she was just a black void of space after all, but he felt it, “You’re right.” She whispered, “There’s a reason why you never quite return properly.”

Okabe opened his mouth.

“But you’re both so proud-” The void expanded and consumed Okabe.

Okabe was gasping in the hospital room again.

“Kurisu!” Mayuri screamed, “He’s awake!”

This time Okabe pulled out the IV and ripped every sort of cord that might have tried to keep him in his bed. Mayuri tried to stop him, but the moment he looked at her she stopped.

“Okarin?” She whispered. He guessed at what she saw echoed in his orbs.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered. The door opened and he grabbed Kurisu’s wrist before running down the hall, “HO HO HO HO~!” He roared with laughter as Kurisu stumbled to keep up behind him.

“What is going on, Okabe?” Kurisu managed as he pulled her into the elevator. The doors closed behind them and he spun her around to face him. He put his hand under her chin, and he leaned in close.

He felt her lips for just a moment before he pulled back from her. He was gasping for breath, “Come on, Kurisu.” He mumbled, “You of all people -”

She pulled him close.

The elevator clicked, and they breathed as the doors swung open, “Come on,” She told him, “I was a fool for taking a mad scientist to a public hospital. The organization-” She grabbed his wrist and together they ran to parking lot, to the car, “Where are we going?” She asked.

“I want to see Titor and John,” He whispered, “I want to see our kids again.” His free hand went to the phone in his pocket, the one he’d been in for the last two days, “And I need to take some photos.”

Kurisu glimpsed back at him, and he knew she knew that there were a few unspoken words that he wasn’t letting her hear.

_Just in case…_

So Kurisu sped to get them home, “Okabe,” She said as she drove. Her eyes never left the road, “Why is life never simple with you? Care to explain what’s happening this time?”

“You know how you complained about the world lines being no better then a bad scifi novel?”

“Yeah.”

“Well…”

“You’re sliding off into a fantasy world now, aren’t you?” She shouted. Okabe flinched.

“Yeah, something like that.”

She slowed as they pulled into their driveway, and she glared at Okabe as she put the car in park, “And you’re still going back in time with this - aren’t you?”

Okabe nodded quickly to appease his wife, “How did you figure that out?”

“Because you had a plan after an accident. Only you would do that, Mister Reading Steiner.”

Okabe smiled nervously and glanced away. Caught, pinned against the figurative wall, “I love you,” He answered.

She jabbed him, “I’m not done yet,” She spoke quick and fast, “You know you’re going to slide off again. How? Why?”

Okabe looked at Kurisu, looked into her eyes, and they both softened, “Magic,” He whispered, “It’s like a bad fantasy novel where the leads are stolen away from a different world.”

“So you’re stuck going back?”

“Yeah. Something like that. If it helps, even the caster doesn’t want me there.”

“Why then?”

“I don’t know. I have leads on how to fix it, but nothing concrete yet. I’m sorry,” His fingers intertwined with hers.

“When are you going back?”

“When I close my eyes,” Okabe answered, “When I close my eyes the witch will find me.”

Kurisu closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, “‘The witch will find you’...” She mumbled. She looked over at Okabe and a tired haze was in her eyes, “It’s never simple with you is it?”

“I _am_ Hououin Kyouma - Mad Scientist - Time Traveler - and I don’t even know why you decided to marry me.”

Kurisu smiled, “Til death takes us apart, Kyouma. That’s why and you know it,” and in a moment that Okabe could only describe as one graceful action she had thrown the door open and stepped out of the vehicle, “Come on,” She told him with a smile as he did the same, with far less elegance in his motions, “Gotta leave the car if we’re gonna see Titor and John after that mad dash.”

Okabe stared at her, “You’re beautiful. Do I tell you that enough?”

She glanced away, a slight red heat on her cheeks, “Yes.” She answered softly, “You do.”

“You’re taking the compliments with far more ease these -”

“Shut up.” She glanced at him with a frown on her face.

Okabe laughed, his tired old echo of a laugh, and Kurisu held his hand as they slowly walked up the driveway.

“What’s happening?” She asked as their paced slowed as they talked. It wasn’t a conversation that would happen once they saw the kids.

“It’s a world filled with magic,” He answered with a wave of his hand. He stopped and he squeezed her hand, “The other is a boy - same age as I was when the time leaps happened all those years ago - and he was the only one that suppose to get caught up in this web-”

“So you _were_ just dragged into this by accident?”

“I think - The pulse was caused by an energy influx of that world’s energy - magic - breaking through into our world.,” Okabe answered, “We were measuring a new form of energy - it had to be the magic looking for the boy.” He rubbed the back of his head and he turned Kurisu towards him, “But, I am a proud man willing to throw away everything to keep those I cherish alive - and apparently that same pride - I hope - mixed with my Reading Steiner apparently tangled with the spell. Or something.” He let go of her shoulders, and he grabbed her hand again, “I just met the person behind the spell. It as on accident, but what she said - Agh, Who am I kidding. It hardly made any sense, Kurisu.”

She nodded, “You’ll figure it out.”

Okabe smiled, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulled her close, and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head, “I’ll do my best not to disappoint my assistant.”

“You’re still an idiot after all these years.” She mumbled.

“Yes, Christina.”

She just rolled her eyes. He couldn’t see, but he knew his tsundere and her heart and her reactions like the back of his hand. She was his heart and his breath. His grip loosened just a bit as they reached the door.

Okabe pushed it open, and he smiled as he saw Moeka on the couch with the twins playing on the floor.

“Hello, Shining Finger!” Okabe announced as obnoxiously as he could from the door frame.

Moeka’s eyes widened, and the children shouted as they saw their father. Moeka glanced up from her magazine only to intently look back down at it, “You’re still in your hospital gown.” She muttered for explanation.

Okabe didn’t get the chance to respond. The kids rushed him. Their arms were outstretched - Moeka had been called to replace Mayuri to watch them so she could go to Okabe’s side in the hospital - and the children were eager to hold their father, to know that he was okay.

He knelt down, and he wrapped his arms around them. He buried his face  in their hair, and he closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath, taking in their scent, their presence -

 _“Found you._ ”

And Okabe didn’t hear his scream mingling with Kurisu’s shout as she watched him relax and close his eyes. He just felt one thing.

The black hand tearing him away, and once more he felt nothing for a moment other then the one fact that he was most certainly missing something that he’d had just a moment ago.


	11. In Which Okabe Has Only Stubborn, Stubborn People To Talk To and Subaru Develops A Sickness

Okabe was standing in front of Kadomon’s stall again. He patted his pockets, and he patted his outfit, his face, ran his fingers through his hair in confusion.

He stared at Kadomon, and Kadomon stared back at him.

“You-” He muttered. He looked like he was seeing a ghost.

Then it clicked, and Okabe looked around for Subaru. The boy must have made it to the next checkpoint. Okabe gritted his teeth with the realization, “I didn't get to tell Kurisu about that this time. I didn't realize I’d-” He ran his fingers through his hair as he spun around looking Subaru, “I was such an idiot!” He yelled wildly. Everyone turned to look at Okabe. Including the boy he’d missed in his panic wearing a gold and black tracksuit and holding a basket of apples. 

“Okabe?” Subaru muttered in the newly stilled air. 

Okabe turned to Subaru, “My name is Hououin Kyouma!” He roared in the still watching, still silent crowd. 

Kadomon stared at the duo. He had seen Okabe collapse on Subaru, in fact Okabe realized he had no idea what had happened to him after having his heart crushed by the witch, “Hey, Subaru, what is this?” He whispered as the crowd went back to its business no longer entertained by the mad scientist, “I thought we-”

“Oh. Twins,” Subaru quickly answered before he could finish the statement in front of Rem, “His mother named them the same so she would never call them the wrong one on accident.”

Rem looked appropriately appalled by this idea. 

So was Okabe, but for different reasons - “Subaru! How could you even think of dragging our mother’s good name through the mud!?”

“Our?” Subaru blinked. 

Okabe slammed his palm into his forehead and took in a quick breath, “I knew there was something I hadn't told you yet!”

Subaru stated at him torn between figuring out if Okabe was acting or if this was something he really had yet to find out about.

Rem glanced between the two of them as Subaru stared unknowing how to respond and Okabe played up the silent frustration that could only be caused in a brother, “We can't leave your brother out here on the street…” Rem muttered. 

Okabe shrugged, “I would like to know what's going on in my little bro’s life…” Okabe bobbed back and forth as if indecision, “but I do not wish to intrude-”

“Nothing has happened. I don't know why you came back.” Subaru whispered in response. His words and tone caught rem off guard, and they sent a shiver down Okabe. 

“Why are you back in the capital?” Okabe asked softly. 

“I-” Rem tried to interrupt. 

“Emilia-tan left me here.” Subaru answered despite the way out Rem had tried to give him. 

Okabe knew better then to ask why. He would find out soon enough anyways. 

Okabe raised a hand to his forehand and he used a wave as a salute, “Well,” Okabe told them, “I guess I’ll see you around-”

Subaru reaches out for Okabe, the memory of his hurt replaced with fear, “No,” His words whisp of air choked with emotion, “Please. Not again. I need to talk.”

Okabe glanced at Rem and he rubbed the back of his head, “I really don’t want -”

“Did Kurisu every try to push you away?” Subaru shot out, “Because you forgot she didn't know-?”

“I never forgot,” Okabe answered him swiftly, “And once I saw her within Stein’s Gate - I tried to let her go. It wasn't fair of me to love a girl that no longer existed with memories that only happened to me.”

“Oh.” Subaru answered softly his arm fell to his side, “I see.”

“I am sorry,” Okabe told him all pretense of Hououin faded away, “That wasn't the answer you wanted, was it?”

“No,” Subaru answered, “It wasn't.”

His voice was hollow and Okabe stood there. He waited just in case Subaru needed him. 

And he watched as Subaru slowly turned away from him and walked away with Rem, who glanced over her shoulder back at Okabe with concern. 

“Wait!” Okabe cried out.

Subaru stopped. Rem grabbed the hem of the boy’s sleeve. He didn’t turn to Okabe. He didn’t speak.

“Do you know where we can talk?” He threw a glance at Kadomen.

Subaru looked over his shoulder. He stared at Okabe for a moment before he nodded. He turned and Rem squinted as Subaru lead them to an alleyway.

Subaru took a seat on the steps, and Rem stood behind him.

Okabe stood by the entrance, “Do you want to talk about it more?” He asked breaking the silence.

“This is where I first met her,” He answered simply.

“You’re not broken.” Okabe told him.

Subaru’s hand went to his stomach, he looked down, and Okabe could see the mocking smirk.

“You might be an egotistical fool, but you’re not broken because of your displacement.”

“She doesn’t understand anything. Everything would be worse without me.”

“Really?” Okabe asked softly, “Or is it because your being here is breaking everything?”

Subaru stood up suddenly, and Rem was standing between the two. She wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t know what they were talking about.

Which was for the best, “I need to see Beatrice. If you’re not going to talk about what I missed. Maybe she will.”

“You’re mad at me for not telling you about what happened - but I don’t see you telling me-”

“I saw Kurisu. I saw my kids. I was home until I closed my eyes. Then the witch dragged me back here because my Reading Steiner means her magic - the curse  - mistakes me for you. Or something like that - the theory is a work in progress. I need to simply cut that mistake so I can go home after I die like I’ve done so far.”

“And what if that just mean you end up dying? After all - I’m the only one that can revive by death. I am the one that returns by death.”

Subaru wasn’t looking. He didn’t see them collapse. Both Okabe and Rem. He hadn’t felt the tight witch’s hand around his heart. It kept mistaking Okabe for him after all. He had forgotten about Rem being there. He had forgotten she’d be in danger with a candid conversation.

Subaru didn’t turn around. He walked off, and it wasn’t until he was standing outside the mansion that he noticed she wasn’t there.

He ran back to the alleyway.

No one had moved them. No one had noticed the two collapsed shells.

He laughed. His voice cracked. He kept laughing. He could fix anything.

His hand pulled out a knife he had taken to carrying while no one was looking.

And no one would notice a third.

He felt a hand graze over one cheek, and the other cheek? It was warm as something poured out of him finding a path around his face on the stone pavement beneath it.

* * *

 

“What did you do!?” 

Okabe was screaming. This time his eyes found Subaru with ease.

Subaru hadn’t jumped when he heard Okabe’s voice. In fact he glanced over his shoulder and he had smiled at the older man before grabbing Rem’s hand and running from him.

“What did you do, Subaru?” Okabe screamed again.

Rem struggled to keep up with Subaru as she turned to throw magic at Okabe.

It went right through him.

That was new.

Last time she’d attacked she’d had no problem hurting him.

“Who is that man?” Rem asked. Her shouts made it back to Okabe’s ears.

“A nut case,” Subaru answered, “We need to get away from him.”

Okabe rolled his eyes. He had no time to baby the boy. He clearly wasn’t going to stop running, and Okabe would lose him if the chase went long. So he used his longer legs to catch up to the two of them, and he jumped on them. He tackled them to the ground.

“Stop being a child,” Okabe hissed in Subaru’s ear.

“I can fix anything. I don’t need you or anyone else to help me!” Subaru shouted as he struggled to get the other man off of him, “Now, get off of me-!”

“Subaru!” Okabe hissed as he got his elbow off of Rem’s face, “Sorry about that-”

Rem blew the man off of them.

“How dare you physically assault us-” Rem started to stand, but Subaru grabbed her elbow, “What is it, Subaru?”

“Ignore him, Rem,” He grumbled as he stood up himself, “He’s just an old delusional man who thinks he’s more then just a mad scientist.”

“You can at least tell me how to get back to the castle then. I need to know how to get back home. It’s been a month! I just want to go back to my family!”

Subaru shook his head, grabbed Rem’s hand, and he left Okabe standing in the street alone as the crowd moved around him. 

“Aren’t you the man that died here earlier?” Kadomen asked, unsure of how he was suppose to the take the sight of the man in a lab coat.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

 

And that what lead to Okabe stalking Subaru and Rem. He ditched his lab coat, or rather traded it with a merchant for a different shirt so he wouldn’t be as conspicuous. Though it hardly mattered when that merchant had somehow lead to him getting volunteered - or hired? He did get paid after all - to help a different merchant - Otto? - load the million - not quite a million - barrels of oil into the back of the man’s cart. 

Which was what lead to Okabe standing at an inn’s counter, trying to figure out how to break it to the sensitive thing he’d discovered Otto to be, that he wasn’t really on hire for the  _ entire _ trip that the oil was going to make with the merchant.

But then he saw Rem slip into the inn. Their eyes met, Rem showed no hostility towards him, but Kyouma slipped out of sight before he could talk Otto of paying for his room.

He watched as Subaru approached the counter and paid for their rooms as well. Rem was following him in silence, and Okabe made the easy note of how Subaru didn’t seem to be doing any better mentally.

He sighed, and Rem looked at him. Their eyes met, and Okabe nodded his head. He’d be willing to talk.

* * *

 

Okabe was sitting at the feet of his bed, staring at the door, when the small, shy knock echoed in the room. He stood up and slowly walked over to the door and opened it. Rem looked up at him, and he realized just how much shorter she was to him. He took a step back, and motioned for her to enter, “You can come in if you want.” His hand fell to his side as she didn’t move, “Or we can talk wherever you want-?”

“I’m going back to the mansion. You wanted to see Beatrice. Can we talk on the way there?” She asked with a look to the side.

“Isn’t Subaru-”

“No. I put him to sleep. He needs to rest. I left him a note so he’ll know where I went.”

“Then it sounds like a plan to me,” Okabe grabbed the bag he’d managed to somehow end up with, “We don’t have much time then do we?”

* * *

 

So that was how Okabe came to riding the back of the dragon horse thing, holding Rem’s waist, and trying to lose what little he’d had for dinner, “So,” Rem somehow managed to speak over the wind rushing around them, “How do you know Subaru?”

“Life kind threw us together to be completely honest. We’ve only had a handful of conversations, Rem. You know him much better then I do.”

“But you seem to know how and why he seems to be struggling so much.” Rem replied, “What isn’t he telling me?”

“It isn’t my place to talk about anything Subaru hasn’t brought up with you.”

Rem pouted, “Can you tell me why you want to see Beatrice?”

“She’s an old friend.”

Rem laughed, “You’re a horrible liar.” She told him, “Beatrice doesn’t leave the library.”

“But yet-” Okabe laughed as well at the true ridiculousness of his situation with Betty, “She’ll recognize me when she see me. Will that abait your mistrust?”

“I was hoping you’d explain what’s going on with Subaru.” She admitted.

“He has a bit of story, and it’s just not in my place,” Okabe replied, “I would, I really would if I could Rem. I know what he thinks of you and the rest of the household you’re apart of.”

Rem glanced back at Okabe, “Then can you tell me -”

“Do you want to know why I smell like the witch as well? If I barely know Subaru?”

Rem blushed, “You knew?”

Okabe smiled softly at the young girl, “It’s how my story overlaps with Subaru’s, but it’s not as much as some may like unfortunately,” Okabe admitted, “How much longer until we get to the castle?”

Rem swallowed, “You should know - We were headed back to the mansion because we think something bad happened.”

Okabe stilled as much as he could rocking back and forth on the back of the house, “Is that why you brought me? Because you knew it didn’t matter if I told you something or not?”

Rem’s attention went back to the road, and they continued to the town in silence.

* * *

 

The air was stiff, and their mount refused to go any further. Rem was tense as she slid off of the dragon horse thing. Okabe still hadn’t asked what it was called. He felt that would be weird - after all he looked like he was from Lugunica at the moment, and he was sure he was suspicious enough at the moment. Rem was not someone he wanted to try to work against.

Rem lead the way.

Okabe watched the trees. He felt there was something out there shifting past them back and forth, “What do you think is happening?”

Rem didn’t answer.

“I need to know what you know. What we’re walking into-”

“I don’t know,” She hissed back, “And I want to be wrong.”

There was something on the tip of his tongue - on the cliff of his mind. A paper he’d read, a report stashed away in a book. There was a demon town attacked by- 

“The Witch’s Coven,” Okabe hissed, “You think this is the Witch’s Coven?”

Rem stopped, and she turned, glared at Okabe, and hissed, “And you think this isn’t a trap by them?”

“Why  _ would _ it be?” Okabe hissed back following her lead to keep it on the quiet side, “Unfortunately there isn’t much written about them, Rem.”

“Written?” Rem asked, “Why would there be?”

“But I read about what they did to the demon villag-”

There was a whoosh of a cape in the trees beside them, and Rem had her - uh - tool in her hands, and was down the road just as quick.

“Well,” Okabe watched with mild disappointment in his eyes, “She was quick to ditch me.”

* * *

 

Okabe took his time strolling into town - until he saw a single stream of smoke. 

Then he stopped completely.

* * *

 

Okabe watched the smoke. He noticed the robed men surround him, but he couldn’t pull his attention away from the smoke. 

He’d never been to the village. 

“What is this?” A man stepped out, and Okabe finally took his attention away from the plumes, “Who are you to carry her love so thickly on your person?” The pale man’s head was parallel with his shoulders as he looked at Okabe.

“No one,” Okabe smirked, “And I assure you - if she saw me she’d take that love away with the greatest of ease.”

The man’s head straightened up and he stared at Okabe, “You’re not a part of our Gospel.” He pulled out a book from his chest pocket, rather slide it out, and slide it back in, “Who are you? Are you the archbishop of pride, I suppose?”

Okabe didn’t answer, but he did raise an eyebrow at that statement, “I’m afraid I missed your name.”

“Oh how diligent of you,” The man’s head was parallel with his other shoulder this time and he started to shuffle about, “I should not treat you like a fool,” He stated, “So, so, so, so, So does that mean you’re here for the Ordeal as well?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Okabe answered, “I’m only here because I’m looking for the one protecting Emilia.”

“The half demon?”

Okabe didn’t say anything. He didn’t trust the man’s movements. He didn’t trust the thing in front of him.

“No matter,” He waved his question aside, “It’s clear we mean the same. Why are you here for a man like that?”

“To help him.” Okabe answered.

“Oh,” The man bent backwards, “That was the wrong answer.” He flung back up into a position akin to a stick and he stared at Okabe.

Okabe felt something brush against his skin. Then he screamed, it felt like something important being torn from his bones.

* * *

 

Okabe was in the lab where the accident had happened, or rather he was sitting next to the device that had caused it. That was the first thing he noticed, the second was all of the cords running from his body as he laid in what looked like his office.

Kurisu was standing over him with a clipboard in hand as she overlooked the device.

He cleared his throat, or made some other sort of noise, he had a tube in his throat after all, alerting her to his awareness.

She jumped. She hit a flip on the device. She turned to Okabe, and she helped ease him by pulling the feeding tube out of his mouth.

“What is that doing here?” He asked once he was free of thing. He looked at their current experiment, and he paused for a moment. It was starting up. His eyes widened, “Why is it turning on?” He looked at Kurisu and realization flooded his bones. She was stubborn. He was stubborn. They were stubborn about being together, but this was - “No-” Okabe started to protest.

“I’m not letting you go through that hell alone-” Christina was always quick to interrupt him.

“Yes!” Okabe shouted. He tried to sit up, but failed due to amount of things pricking him and holding him in place, “Yes - you  _ are _ !”

“And who are you to stop me?” She asked with a matching bite, “I do believe my vows were-”

“And what about John? Titor? Who is going to take care of them if both of their parents go missing?” Okabe was screaming, “ _ You can’t do that to them, Kurisu _ -”

“Daru has already agreed to watch them,” Kurisu replied - equally as loud, “Until we get  _ back _ ! We’re  _ not _ leaving them!”

“You have no idea what you’re getting into, Assistant!”

“Oh! Falling back on that old jibe?” Kurisu stabbed his chest with her pen, “Well, you know what? You’re right - I am your  _ assistant _ , and that, so help me god, means I’m going to assist you, Okabe!” She frowned, “Now - Do you think you’ll be here long enough for me to get the kids in here and out of here? I mean, I presume you want to see them before you leave for who knows how long!”

Okabe gritted his teeth. He did want to see the twins, “Yes.” He answered, But, Kurisu’s jaw dropped as she saw him lie.

“You’re going to go back the moment I leave this room, aren’t you?” She dropped her pen on the bed beside him. She barely held onto her clipboard, “You would do that?” Tears were swelling in her eyes, “You would give up  _ seeing them _ to  _ keep me out _ ?” 

She looked down. Down at her clipboard, away from him. But she didn’t turn away from him. 

She didn’t want to leave him.

“I want you safe,” Okabe answered softly, “I want to know you’re safe. I want to know the kids are safe.”

“We’re not safe without you!” She finally screamed. She looked at him, and his heart broke. Tears ran down her face, and her mascara mixed with it. Her face was red, and raw, “You’re breaking my heart, Okabe. I can’t let you go on this alone - not  _ again _ .”

Okabe stared at Kurisu. He watched her, and then he looked away from her, “I promise. I promise I won’t slip away - not intentionally - while you get Titor and John.” He finally answered her.

Kurisu slipped out the room, she glanced back from the doorframe. Her hand rest on it gently, and she didn’t move to wipe her face, to get rid of the mascara, “Do you think you can handle Doctor Pepper?” She asked softly.

“Yes.” He answered solidly, “And if I can’t -” Okabe looked away from Kurisu, “Have you gone over everything with Daru already?”

“He’s no doctor, but he can handle the home arrangement I have in place.”

“Moeka?”

“She’s also been trained so she can cover when Daru is busy running the lab without us.”

“We’re such responsible adults,” Okabe grumbled.

“We’re taking care of what’s important,” Kurisu answered softly, “The lab isn’t the same without 001 after all.” Her smile was just as gentle and fragile as her tone, her heart at the moment, “We always take care of our own. You don’t have to go it alone.”

Okabe’s laugh was rusty, “You’d think I’d have learned that the last time.” He finally admitted.

“Or the time before that.” Kurisu playfully chided, “Or-”

“Point made,” Okabe smirked up at Kurisu, “Weren’t you getting the twins?”

She smiled, and she disappeared around the bend.

And Okabe kept his promise.

* * *

 

Subaru woke up, and he found himself alone. Rem was gone.

He didn’t handle the man behind the counter with care - he was mad. Subaru was alone.

He saw the piece of paper sticking out of his bag when the man help up his belongings. He quickly let go of the man to grab it - to read it. 

He read it, and he slammed his fist on the counter beside him.

“What the hell,” He whispered, “What are you thinking, Rem?” He asked his eyes still reading, and rereading the message she left behind for him to read, “I thought you would understand me…”

He kept doing that lately, and everytime - He found himself alone. Emilia. Okabe. Rem.

* * *

 

Dear Subaru,

When you read this letter, I’m sure you’ll be very angry with me. I shall not ask for your forgiveness for leaving you to go to the mansion. But, please understand. Bringing you to the mansion right now would be very dangerous.

So please - wait here for me to return.

* * *

 

“So you just think I’m a useless-good-for-nothing, too, Rem?”

* * *

 

The road was hard and his feet ached as he ran down the road, but he’d managed to cover most of the distance between the inn and the mansion traveling with a merchant he’d been introduced to. The ground dragon had been terrified to take him the rest of the way, and the setting was hardly a distraction from the torment in his head. Not even the wind -

“What is this?” Subaru slowed to a stop, “It’s too quiet…” Not even the wind was blowing.

But, Subaru’s grip was on the letter in his hand as he looked at the scenery around him. 

It was too quiet.

He looked back at the road ahead of him. A man, glowing with a faint red hue around him, covered with his black hooded robe, stood in front of him.

Subaru took a step back as he struggled to get his head around the new source of fear in his heart.

The man, became a circle of men standing around him, enclosing him in their ominous air. 

He stood still.

They bowed to him.

Then, They left.

Subaru’s fear shifted in his chest, “What was that?” He could feel the sweat dripping from his face even though the night left a chill in the air that went down to his bones.

Now, He ran to the village, and his relief to be back blinded him.

It was still too quiet. So he checked a handful of houses that he passed by to see if anyone was home. No one came to the door when he knocked, so he opened them. One had a bit of a stiff door, but they were all empty. There was no one living inside.

It wasn’t until he entered the center of the village, the opening by the well, that his mind was forced to come to terms with what he saw, and had been seeing.

There was a pile, black and ashen. He stumbled backwards, still unsure what to think, of what it was.

He tripped, and his hand felt a puddle, even though there had been no rain that night. 

He looked at his hand and he saw the blood.

He looked back up at the ashen pile. There really was a hand sticking out from it. There really was a corpse at his feet. The door really had been stiff because he’d had to push a corpse out of the way. The sword really had been pinning down what was now a corpse.

Still, He struggled against it, and the only sound out of his mouth was of concern, “Rem… What happened to Rem?”

He had thought so ill of her, and now -

* * *

 

He stumbled through the village, back to the manion. Rem’s name constantly on his tongue. There was no way -

He stood at the gate. He didn’t know how he got there. He could barely recall leaving the inn. He knew the journey with Otto - and every vile thought he’d had about Rem, her lack of trust and care for him, and his decision to not trust her in return. 

But it was getting to be impossible for him to think about anything about anything other the memories they’d shared together.

He took a step past the gate.

The courtyard was a mess. It was riddled with corpses in the same robes he’d seen on the pathway here, and - and Rem’s ball and chain was at his feet. It was covered in blood, and Subaru’s attention went solely to that. It followed the chain, and -

- _ So please wait here for me to return.- _

He dropped the letter that was now covered in blood.

- _ When it’s all taken care of I shall return for you. _ -

- _ Please take care of yourself. _ -

- _ And, please… I beg you to wait for my return. _ -

- _ Please. _ -

- _ From, Your Rem _ -

She was pinned down, and Subaru fell down.

A sickness held his mouth shut, and that sickness was called despair.

* * *

 

The last time he was sick, he ran his mouth.

And when he looked away from Rem he found out this time was no different. 

He was bent over beside the small shed he had found Rem at, and his hurling filled the silence.

“No,” He whispered. He felt backwards, and he pulled out the knife he had used before, and he stared at the blade, “This is wrong.” He whispered again.

His shaking hands dropped the blade. He shouldn’t be handling these sort of problems. This wasn’t what he wanted.

He had treated life so flippantly.

He had told Beatrice that he was afraid of death - of dying like any sane man was.

He picked the knife back up, and he threw it aside, out of reach. When had that changed?

He stood up, and he turned to the mansion, “Someone,” He whispered.

“Someone…”

* * *

 

The mansion was just as empty and quiet as the village, but without the accents of blood red that his mind had tried so hard to ignore. The mansion was just still, empty. It was missing the life that he’d fallen in love with over the last - … He had no sense of time. A month? Half a year? When had he come to live here?

Only his broken breathing gave him the sense that something was broken, missing, that the empty rooms were a sign of something darker happening. That something was wrong. 

Until that changed.

He’d looked at all the spots that had memories filled with life, but there wasn’t a trace of any change - other then the stillness - no trace of a conflict, of a fight. Now it was time to check the other rooms. The ones he’d only ever dusted or doors he’d only ever opened to find Beatrice and her magical  library.

There was no trace of -

His hand was easing the door in front of him open, and the stillness was broken. There was a sound.

A sound he couldn’t, or perhaps would never, be able to put into words.

He stared down at the weight on the door, at the source of the sound, and he watched Ram’s corpse ease down to the floor. Blood was dried on her chin, on her cheek, and around her right eye. It was her blood. It had poured out of her mouth, down from a cut on her hairline. Her eyes were open. They were lifeless in a way that Subaru’s could never be.

“Ram.” Was the only thing he could manage in response to the sight in front of him.

Then he saw the girl, “Petra.”

Ram had been holding her close.

He turned her over - maybe - someone -

He screamed for the first time at what he saw. He tumbled backwards, violently repulsed by the sight, by the touch, of a corpse for the first time.

“Not this.” His shattered voice told himself, “This isn’t my fault!”

Perhaps, Okabe’s words had hit just a little bit deeper then he’d thought.

His eyes trailed further into the room.

And he saw the little flower Emilia had gotten from Kadoman’s daughter, and it was next to a spill of blood.

“It’s not…” He insisted before trailing after the trail the blood had left for him to follow.

* * *

 

It ended with a scene that sent a shiver down his back. He was shivering, and he knew why when he stared at the white, bloodstained flower that he’d always seen Emilia wear in her hair.

He turned to the slightly opened bookcase beside him, and he took a step, pushed it further, and entered an underground chasm he would only return from by death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA. Take that life! 
> 
> Thanks for being so patient for an update guys. This should be two chapters technically, but I legit have no idea when I'll next be able to update this project and I they work so much better without a long gap between them so I just put 'em together. Because Life is still trying to eat me - I honestly don't know if I'll be able to update again before episode 25 drops. My new job is just eating me alive. It's good work, and I enjoy it. It just leaves me so exhausted by the time I get home. :/ And I still have to 2 other ongoings I have to update. (coughmob/recough) So I appreciate your patience with me so much. It means the world to me. I can't wait to share this slew of what happens next now that Kurisu is now being dragged into the story. Looking forward to comments - Til Next Time - 
> 
> ~EL PSY CONGROO~!!


	12. WHY HAVE ONE PHONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE TWO

Subaru felt something in his pockets when he returned to his spot in front of Kadoman’s stall. It was the first thing he’d noticed, but didn’t understand why that was so until he pulled out the items. They were both cellphones, and he knew that one was Okabe. The other he didn’t know. He flipped it open. He glanced up to see Rem watching him. He bit his lip, and he turned away from her.

“What’s going on?” She asked him as she tried to peer over his shoulder.

The screen flickered on, and Subaru shrugged, “Nothing,” He muttered.

She frowned, but she didn’t push it. She never would. She valued him too much - His hand started to tremble, “Could you- Could you give me a little bit of space?” He mumbled as he leaned away from her.

She bit her lip, but she nodded and she took a step away so she could look at Kadoman’s stall. 

The phone started up, and quickly a text appeared, “Okabe? Where are you?”

The other phone buzzed since the text was sent to - Pervert Husband.

“You two are weird,” He grumbled under his breath.

“What?” Okabe had already set himself up as a video call, “What did we do now, Subaru?”

“She has you saved under ‘Pervert Husband’, Okabe.” Subaru quickly answered.

There was a stream of texts passing between the two phones as Okabe worked with Kurisu to set her up on the same method he’d struggled to work through, but Okabe on the video chat was staring at Subaru, and his mouth was open for a moment before sound started running through the speakers, “There’s a story behind that.”

“Oh,” Subaru rushed with a nod, “I had figured that bit out already.”

“No,” Kurisu grumbled now on a video chat as well, “Not at all a story like that. Daru is labeled as ‘Pervert Hacker’. It’s an ongoing joke from when we met. Please ignore that.”

Subaru stared at them, and Okabe was quick to take note, “Subaru?”

Subaru looked away, “You - You remember how you yelled at me last, uh,” He looked at Rem who glancing his way. He looked away quickly.

“Yes,” Okabe answered for Subaru’s sake, “I know what you’re trying to talk about, Subaru.”

Subaru looked away from the phone. Okabe’s heart broke, he just wanted to reach out and hug the boy. Or just to put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, “I am a horrible person,” He told Okabe softly, “I thought I was better then you.”

Kurisu glanced toward Okabe’s phone, but she didn't open her mouth in Okabe's defense. He hadn't beaten around any bushes explaining what had happened. She knew he had no longer wanted to fight and struggle like he had - he hadn't wanted her to do so for his sake. 

“What happened?” Okabe asked with a patience that Kurisu had only grown to respect s they had started parenting together. 

Subaru glanced at Rem. He closed the phones, shoved then into his pockets, and he turned to her. If he ran, would he be able to shake? He doubted it. He'd been chased by her before, and he it hadn't been pretty. He hadn't managed to get away from her.

So he opened his mouth, and he watched her eyes drop.

He flinched, and with her eyes seemingly closed he could see her still pinned to the ground. He swallowed. He couldn't speak, but he dared not move. He didn't dare to touch her, to hug her. He was both affairs and ashamed. Afraid it was a dream, a lie, that would shatter if he pressed it. Ashamed of what he had done to her.

He looked away. He couldn't look her in the eye, not while saying what he had to say, “I am leaving, Rem.”

“You make it sound like you’re leaving me behind,” She whispered, “You’re not doing that. You don't look good. You need me.”

Subaru's grip tightened on the phones in his pockets, “No,” He whispered, “I don't, and we both know there's a reason to avoid me.”

Rem’s eyes widened, “You know?”

Subaru smirked. He opened his mouth to say something. He changed his mind, turned from her, and he walked away, “It’s better this way, Rem. Don’t follow me.”

She didn’t.

* * *

Subaru was sitting in the same inn, in the same room, that he’d been abandoned at when he pulled the phones out of his pockets again. He wasn’t going to bother with explaining his absence to Crucsh. Rem would do that, or something. He flicked them open, and Kurisu yawned, “That was a good nap,” She mumbled.

Okabe rolled his eyes, “So, Subaru,” He said softly, “Is now a better time to talk then?”

Subaru sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He admitted, “But - But you were right. I’m -”

“Subaru,” Kurisu wagged a finger at the boy, “Don’t play that game.”

Subaru jumped at the stern rebuke, and his brows raised as he barely managed, “Wha- What game are you talking about?”

She pouted. She crossed her arms, “You’re trying to hurt yourself,” She whispered softly.

Subaru glanced at Okabe, “Just because I said you might be the reason,” Okabe answered softly to the unspoken question, “Doesn’t mean, that you can’t be the solution to it as well.”

Subaru rolled his eyes, and he flopped backwards into his bed. He dropped the phones.

He choked back a cry as he thought back to what had happened before the distraction, before he let Okabe and Kurisu - he didn’t question her arrival any more then he seemed to question Okabe’s ease of slipping in and out of his presence.

They were dead.

They were alive now.

But, He had seen them. He’d heard - felt - and he’d done nothing to undo it.

It had required his death at the hand of whatever had killed the others - the attackers - to undo the harm that had happened.

Subaru cried.

It was all he could do to try to soothe the hollow spot in his chest. 

He didn’t know what else to do.

He didn’t hear the knock on the door, and he didn’t look up to seem Rem entering the door. His world was consumed. He was - He didn’t know what he was. He didn’t know what he could do. He didn’t see Rem gently set the phones, closed, inside her pocket. 

He didn’t smell her when she sat beside him.

He didn’t feel her hand as she ran it through his hair, and he didn’t hear her even as she whispered his name.

Life didn’t matter. If he had killed her without notice, and if he hadn’t died to amend it. Who was he? Wasn’t he suppose to be the hero? Wasn’t he suppose to act heroic? 

But here he was - and - and there might have been a little something that kept his head from recovering from the pit it had fallen into.

But in the thralls of despair - would he even notice that it should have had an end?

* * *

 

Rem sat beside Subaru, and one of the metia she picked up off of the floor shook inside her pocket. She pulled it out, and she stared at it. Nothing happened. She noticed the hinge and opened it. A man with black hair appeared with a subtle frown, “How is he doing, Rem?”

“How do you know my name?” She asked as she fluttered with a small face of shock gracing her features.

The man’s frown turned to a small smirk, “He only speaks well of you. I assure you,” He answered, and then his frown was back, “How is he doing?”

Rem bit her lip.

“That well, huh?” He put a hand up to his lips and he frowned for a moment as he seemed to look at the ground. He glanced back up at Rem, “How thick is it around him?”

“The witch’s-”

“Yes.” The man answered without letting her finish, “How thick is it around him?”

Rem glanced at Subaru, “It’s - It’s thick.” She answered him.

The man nodded, “Take him to Beatrice. Maybe we can figure something out together…” He mumbled before the screen flickered to black.

Rem bit her bottom lip, frowned, closed the metia, put it back in her pocket and sighed.

It’s not like she had anything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... 
> 
> and here we are six drafts later
> 
> I hope you enjoy - and I hope to be getting back into a sort of regular update pattern now that I'm no longer trying to actively burn this manuscript. And - Honestly - if it wasn't for all the kind words and support that everyone's shown, I really might have done that and abandoned this. But, there are - or were... I'm gonna presume you're still here if you're reading this anyways - and that just gave me a warm feeling inside and really kept me on the horse. So thank you. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> #raises a glass doctor pepper in a champagne class (Okay - fine - a Kaito Kid mug - I'm not fancy what can I say?) Here is to the next chapter not taking... an incredibly long amount of time to come out.


	13. Betelgeuse Is Never On the Same Page As Satella

Rem tucked the metias into Subaru’s pockets, and Subaru slept with his head on her lap on the way to the manor.

It was quiet when they camped in the forest.

The next day was too quiet on the road. The forest lacked it’s usual sounds as they neared the town.

A moment after that thought made its way into Rem’s mind she felt the pain through her connection with her sister.

The cultists attacked with ease and stole Subaru away.

 

* * *

 

Okabe and Kurisu had fallen out of Subaru’s pockets as the cultists chained up Subaru. Okabe turned himself on with ease - his light was bright in the dark cave. Kurisu’s screen was dark and mute, and so was her connection. He could only hope that no one would wake her to reveal the horror he was sure Subaru had some how managed to stumble into this time around as well.

The man, Beetlegeuse, picked him up, and he stared at the screen, “You aren’t a gospel,” He whispered, “But you smell of her,” His head cracked to the side, “How can a man be in a phone.”

“Let Subaru go,” Okabe whispered.

Betelgeuse threw the phone up into the air, caught the phone with ease and invisible hands.

He cracked the phone, and Okabe screamed in a surprising unison with Subaru and Kurisu as he felt the world around him slip away. This time felt different. He felt something snap, but he felt fingers clinging to his soul.

 

* * *

 

Okabe awoke in a world of black and swirling hues of it. It was unnerving, but his focus didn’t linger on that. A girl stepped forward.

“Emilia?” He whispered.

She smirked. There was a hollow sadness in her eyes, “Not me,” She whispered, “I am the one who loves Subaru…”

“Satella?” Okabe choked.

“I can’t handle three of you,” She whispered, “Your wife- My spell could only barely handle you’re interference in how it functioned. There is a reason magic returned you to my realm as a metia - unable to fully form you. When Sloth mixed my magic - Well, I’ve already lost the grip on Subaru. He’s back home. He’s exactly where I pulled him from - exactly _when_ I pulled him from as well. So is your wife.”

“But me?”

“You are a strange man.” She answered.

“Does that mean I’m stuck with you for the rest of eternity?”

She smirked, “Doesn’t sound like something either of us would like.”

Okabe watched. He didn’t speak. There was nothing appropriate he could say the sullen form that looked exactly like Emilia did. He couldn’t quip even when he’d knew all her crimes that history had kept recorded in Beatrice’s books.

“But I wanted to talk to you. One last time. You’re so alike with Subaru.”

“I’m married,” He smirked, and she laughed.

“Goodbye, Okabe Rintaro. May we never met again.”

“Agreed.”

He felt the fingers uncurl. He hadn’t noticed them in his chest, keeping him close. This time - he felt as if he was regaining the world.

 

* * *

 

Okabe woke to find himself standing beside the broken sensor that had originally mingled him in with Satella’s magic.

He looked at the door, and Kurisu was staring at him through the window. Her hands pressed against the glass, and she had clearly been screaming just a moment before hand.

Her hand scrambled down to the button to the speaker, “Okabe?” She whispered, “Is-”

Okabe nodded, “Everything’s oka-” He stopped, and he pulled out his phone. A single text went out to Daru.

_I need to know if you can find a boy. His name is Natsuki Subaru._

A buzz was the answer, and he didn’t need to look. He smirked, and he knew Daru would be able to find him in a just a moment.

He looked up at Kurisu, “Natsuki-”

“Natsuki?” She answered. She didn’t remember. It never happened for her. That was a different world line. Of course, Okabe should have known better.

Okabe’s mad laughter filled the room, “Nevermind,” He choked out, “Lets just make sure that didn’t expose me to anything weird,” He winked at his wife, “I would love to see John and Titor tonight during dinner after all.”

Kurisu stared at her husband, and eventually shook her head with a knowing smile.

Living with and in Okabe’s life meant being exposed to the impossible on a daily basis. The weary eyes she’d seen years ago - that she thought might have left - were there again, and as before - He would tell her in his own time.

 

* * *

 

Subaru dropped the convenience store bag in his hand, and he whisked about, looking in a mad confusion, “What- But- Emilia-tan-?” He fell on his knees, and pulled the bag up to his chest. He needed to hold something as he let out a slow cry, “No,” He whispered, “No.”

 


	14. Epilogue

Okabe rang the doorbell to Subaru’s apartment the next day. Daru had actually tried to turn him down - since hunting down strangers at Okabe’s convenience was not part of his job description.

Okabe won in the end. That was all that mattered.

Subaru opened the door, and Okabe found him to be a mess. Subaru’s eyes were red and puffy, his hair was disheveled, and his tracksuit was in the absolute worst state he’d ever seen it in. It was almost as if Subaru had slept out on a street the night before hand…

“Please don’t tell you slept on the street last night,” Okabe whispered.

“I did,” Subaru turned around, “And I almost thought all of it was a mental episode before you showed up on my doorstep,” He grumbled. He started to walk away, and Okabe stayed in his spot. Subaru looked back, and he frowned, “Well - Are you coming in or not?”

Okabe nodded, “I was hoping we could get something to eat - or something. If you need someone to-”

“Let me get cleaned up. I don’t have anything in the house unless you want to talk over broken potato chips that is…”

“Do you-”

“No. That’s why I need to get cleaned up. I’ll be right back.” Subaru vanished around a corner before popping his head back to look at Okabe. This time he stared at the older man, and Okabe stared right back at the boy. They both understood.

“Thank you,” Subaru whispered, “Thank you for… finding me.” His brow furrowed, but it was followed with a sigh, “I might need that explained to me, but at the moment- I’m just glad to know you were real.”

“It was all real,” Okabe told him softly.

Subaru smiled with a melancholy that Okabe knew from his own use of it. There was a pain to losing something, someone, that you grew to knew and love more intimately then yourself, and there was a different sort of pain at knowing - or not knowing - that it was something that no one else knew about. There was a pain in doubting your own sanity in missing it.

And Okabe had at least managed to save Subaru from one of those pains.

 

* * *

 

[その気持ち わかる](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=58192725) by [西德野(seed1yet)](http://www.pixiv.net/member.php?id=264716) on [pixiv](http://www.pixiv.net/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So this was quite the journey for me to write. I never expected it to end the way it did - or even at a point to get a proper ending. Though some might feel that this wasn't exactly that. I feel that it is. I hope it's a satisfying conclusion - and if not, please, please, please let me know. 
> 
> The image linked to is the one that started all of this, and I'm glad this story wrapped around back to it. I really wanted to incorporate a scene exactly like it into the story, but I feel that this was the best way and note to end it on.
> 
> It's been a pleasure. I am so flattered that so many joined me on this adventure. I hope you enjoyed it... Even if it ended without really actually endorsing a ship for Subaru...


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